Losing One, Gaining Another

on February 2, 2012

When I penned my last entry, I fully intended to return back to blogging full time, joining the illustrious ranks of momma sex bloggers like my Pink pal. I had a full head of proverbial steam, things were falling into place, I was newly engaged and ready to take on the world.

The best laid plans, as they say.

It began the way a deluge might, the faint tremors of an earthquake, the birds rising as one to escape an approaching storm. A tiny drop of blood. Nothing, really. I worried and sniffled, as new mothers are want to do, and my soon-to-be husband stepped into the time-worn role of comfort and reassurance that it was nothing. Unfortunately, the HCG numbers at my next doctor’s appointment started declining, and I felt like I was slowly failing at a test I had studied my whole life for.

In the weeks that followed, I took shower after shower, crying hard against the ugly plastic tiles as the first child my body had ever carried literally washed away from me. My little Tybrid was taken from me by some inconsequential mismatch, some microscopic firing or connection that simply failed to happen. The new flower of my baby furled back into a bud, receding into my body as if it had been mistaken about trying to bloom at all. I mourned in a way that I never thought I could for something I had never even seen with my eyes.

In the depths of our grief, my partner and I realized that the child had only urged us in a direction we were headed anyway. In November, we stood before a Justice of the Peace (and our respective parents) and were legally united. Life has continued, more or less the same, though I still tear up now and then when I see other babies, or another coupon or sample for diapers comes in the mail. It’s been hard for me, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I take a little to get back into the swing of things. It’s felt like forever since I smirked and told bawdy jokes, or ridiculed outrageous dildos and I’m kind of anxious to get back into the (sybian?) saddle.

Life’s too short, folks. Do what you can with what you got, and love everything you’re able to. ❤

2 responses to “Losing One, Gaining Another

  1. macho99 says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. Hugs from strangers are weird but still … *tight hug*

  2. Margaret says:

    Hugs and love to you. I’m so glad to see you back. 🙂

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