Project Sugarlips Go: In Which My Hubby’s a Lucky Bastard

So, my recent foray into Masque Oral Sex Strips got me to thinking. I’ve given curious readers a peek at a product that changes the taste experience of fellatio from the outside – why not from the inside? I am a fellatio enthusiast (while I’d like to say my sparkling personality was the reason I went from first date to wife in under a year, it had some help) as ToySir is happy to attest to, and semen enhancers hold a certain fascination for me. There are several of these products on the market, and I think a comparison experiment is in order.

Sugarlips Project Icon for ToyChickBlog.com

So far on the roster, we’ll have a “control” application, an “apple cider” application, a “pineapple” application and one application for any of the following that I can snag sponsors for:

  • Sweeten69
  • Semenex
  • Cum D’licious
  • SueetX
  • YummyCum
  • Sweet Release
  • Yummy Cummy

Each application will be rated for Difference from Control, Bitterness, “Ammonia” taste, Sweetness, Scent and Overall User Experience. I plan on declaring a winner when all is said and done (this project may take a few weeks, there is a human element here 😉 and possibly even giving some swag away, depending on the generosity of my sponsors. Stay tuned!

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Weird Sex Toys O The Week (WSOTW) – Exhibitionist Edition

I have never personally used a glory hole. Taken out of context, it sounds like a delightful french pastry that commemorates liberation of some sort. It is not.

So when I got hailed on twitter by someone that has solved a problem that I never knew existed, I knew I had to share the good(?) news with you, dear readers. Much like blow job bibs, the portable glory hole seems to be gilding the lily a bit, but one can’t deny the sheer head-tilting simplicity of it. In a nut(ha!)shell, these self-proclaimed “Novelty Glory Holes” are pieces of what looks to be heavy duty vinyl or chloroplast (essentially the plastic version of corrugated cardboard, think election lawn signs) printed with the usual suspects in the glory hole location lineup. Jail, a bathroom, a brick wall and….a barn? Whether strung up as a flap in an open doorway or stood up like a fuckable piece of advertising from the movie theater, the time-honored tradition of tab A into slot B takes over from there.

Now for me, the part that piqued my curiosity was the T-shirts. Okay, a lot of “adult” companies have T-shirts – usually they allude to the product in a tongue-in-cheek manner. My hubby rocks my “Working Stiff” shirt from GearEssentials all the time, and occasionally I’ll wear the less-subtle “I Would Fuck Me” tee Xpeeps so kindly sent my way a bit ago. But these….these…they proudly proclaim the full website address right along the bottom, near as I can tell. In addition, the Glory Hole Store should be commended for helping this long-lost pair of unattractive fraternal twins find each other. My money’s on MS paint if the question of how they discovered one another pops up.

Well HELLO Dolly.

Want a portable gloryhole of your very own? It’ll only set you back $89.95, and can be found – as the twins so helpfully remind us – over at GloryHoleStore.com.

 

 

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Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week: “This Really Exists?” Edition

Hello, Dear Readers.

I make no mistake that the vast majority of visitors to my humble blog come for WTF-ishness and not my stellar writing skillz. With that in mind, I’m going to make a very concentrated effort to keep my WSTOTW feature actually weekly, and not…less so…as it’s been previously. I would like to add the caveat to this feature that an item’s spotlight here doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad/unsexy item, only that it’s a little left of normal for some sex toy dabblers. It’s my aim to provoke interest and discussion – certain flavored items have spawned discussions about sexual hygiene stances, for instance, while dildo shapes have often had the blogosphere buzzing about anatomical reality versus perceptions.

That being said, I present you with an array of goodies that are likely to make some heads tilt:

Cockattoo Penis Tattoo Sleeves

1.) The Cockattoo : A temporary tattoo for….your penis. Sure, they’re no Dapper Dicks costumes, or Tuxedo Condoms, or even Happenis Hats, but they’re definitely unusual. Guys, I was with you right up until the Marriage Proposal one.  I never in my life imagined that I’d have to turn to my partner and inform him that he was not allowed to propose via a cock tattoo.  Granted, the odd photoshopping of a penis-beak on a black palm cockatoo (I was raised in a bird family, long story) and the pseudo lounge-music on the site were also a bit off-putting, as was the glow-in-the-dark ring toss sleeve option, but I imagine somewhere there’s a guy that loves humiliation and is chomping at the (cock-shaped, tattooed) bit to get at these suckers.

Divine Interventions Bible Sex Toy

2.) Divine Interventions’ Bible Thumper ($27, Black or Silver). You’ve heard of well-placed bibles stopping bullets, but have you ever heard of a good book containing one? This sex toy is essentially a silicone sleeve for your favorite bullet, and measures a diminutive 2.75 inches tall by  2 inches wide. For blasphemy lovers, this one is hard to beat (har!), especially with a little Holy Water Lube.

Cthulu Dildo

3.) Mythos Art Dildo ($175) – Finally, your love for H.P. Lovecraft and the elder gods can be your LOVE for H.P. Lovecraft and the elder gods. Necronomicox, of recent fame for their realistic Zombie Dildos, continues to appeal to the loins of the sci-fi crowds.

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Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week – Wang Bibs & Labia Makeup Edition

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but there are a few WTF-worthy inventions that alert readers have pointed me to. Apparently, there is a market for festooning one’s favorite (or personal) wang with all manner of attachments that either ensure the testicles don’t get dribbled on (the horror) or, much like truck nuts, announce one’s dubious taste in self-expression in a…unique…fashion. Need a scented cock-mounted napkin that “masks body odor” after or during oral sex? We’ve got that covered too. Are your labia faded from years of wear? No worries – we’ll get that georgia o’ keefe back to a matte finish caribbean salmon in no time, courtesy of an unidentified powder that has been on TV and a website told me is totally safe!

I present: CockBib, via CockBib.com , The Lickie Dickie, via LickieDickie.com, and Labia Dye, via MyNewPinkButton.com

…enjoy?

-TTC

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The Harness That Made Me A Sexual Superhero: Joque Harness Review (Myspare.com)

Pssst. There’s a contest at the end. Read through! (Congrats to our winner, RavenQuince!)

***

Hello, my dear readers. I know it’s been a good long while since I’ve related a tale of sticking something in me or on me, so I was well overdue for a review or two.

Spareparts Harnesses are a company I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and dealing with for a few years. They are one of those special toy companies whispered about from harness users to harness users, usually prefaced with “Ohmigod you have GOT to try…”

Their “swimsuit material” harnesses can be used in the shower/bath/pool/hot tub, and are designed – get this – with the WEARER in mind, not the (90-pounds-soaking-wet / has never seen another vagina or a guy to be pegged in her LIFE) model on the front of the box. They are comfortable, intuitive, and just…well, they’re just awesome. Can you tell I like these things? The first time I tried a harness on, it was a “leather” one from one of the “big guys” of toy manufacturing. There were so many straps, buckles, cinches, and scary-looking hardware dangling from it, that by the time I squished my svelte size 20 frame into it, I’m fairly sure a casual passerby would think I had let my underwear and a parachute rig have hasty unprotected sex.

To duplicate the experience, I slipped the Joque on *without* reading the instructions at all. It honestly took all of thirty seconds, and my inner dialogue went something like, “Oh! Okay, that goes here…wow, will you look at that? Well that was easy. Velcro! I love…ooh, the leg straps are stretchy too. Wow, this is actually..it feels just like I’m only wearing underwear. I wonder if I could fit…”

And yes, folks. I did, in fact, fit the Ebon Stallion in this thing. 5.25″ in circumference and giant balls…not to mention it’s CERAMIC. I walked around the house with this obscenely large ceramic penis jutting out in front of me like a flagpole, and damned if it didn’t stay exactly where I put it. There was no…er…drooping, shall we say? The 90 degree angle held up through several renditions of the risky business dance through my living room.  The reason behind this is a thick O ring made of many, many layers of the same material of the harness that stretches and conforms to whatever you’re equipping the harness with.

Even despite my best harness-wearing wiggle, my guy was immune to my pegging charms (he wanted to fix computers instead of getting buttsecks…you believe that?) and so I took revenge on his backup girlfriend, the Fleshlight. I swapped out the big boy for my trusty goodfella, slipping on a condom -before- sliding it through the O ring (which actually works very well to keep the condom in place, a good consideration for those who are sharing toys with non-fluid-bonded partners), lubed up, and went to town.

Wow. Okay, I totally see why people rock the strap on now. I mean, I’ve played around with my “other” harness (who will be languishing alone in the drawer now) and I got that “Oh, hey, cool I have a penis” thing…but it was NOTHING like wearing the Jocque. I actually climaxed with nothing going on internally, because the Joque sits the dildo of choice right where it should.  There was no chafing, pinches, or anything to remind me that I was wearing a harness and a silicone dildo to disrupt my daydreams I had managed to spontenously grow a bio wang of my very own.

Why I like the Joque:

Washable: When I do manage to pull my guy away from his computers, pegging will be a cinch because I can just toss the whole harness into the wash when I’m done. That was a really nice feature to me, because my guy and I both enjoy all sorts of sex play, but are very adamant about proper cleanup when all is said and done.

Easy To Put On: I’m a total spaz. If I can get this thing on without reading instructions and without dislocating something – believe me, you can too.

It Lurves Big Girls: I got size “B”, and I’m a size 20 in pantaloons. I do not feel like I’m stretching the wearability limits…and in fact, feel like it would very comfortably fit bigger girls than I with the straps let out.  It adjusts with four plastic buckles on thick (quality) elastic straps around the legs and under the butt and two similarly buckled straps over two folding panels of velcro on the generously thick waist band. A size “A” is also available for smaller wearers.

They Support NYSBC: www.SparePartsHardware.com generously donated a harness to raise funds for SWA during the calendar party raffle. Wouldn’t you like to own toys that you know support the causes YOU believe in?

***

Because they’re kickass, Spareparts not only gave me a Joque to review and a Joque for the NYSBC raffle, they also gave me one for YOU! That’s right, you could have a superhero harness all your own to..you know…dance around the living room with. Or whatever. Ahem.

This lovely chocolate colored Joque is a Size “A”  (edited to add: Size A fits a 20-50″ waist) and ready to rock the world of a winner (and their lucky partner(s)!) I will be drawing a winner a week from now from everyone who leaves me a comment in this post. Yep, that’s it – just leave a comment! Make sure there’s an email or some way to contact you (blog link, twitter name, etc) in the comment or I can’t give you your goodies!

While it isn’t required, tweeting is an awful nice thing to do, don’t ya think? 😉 Hey! @ThatToyChick is giving away a Joque Spareparts Harness! http://tinyurl.com/yz7rnr5 – Please RT 🙂

-Luv, TTC

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Review: Astroglide X Silicone Lubricant

Astroglide_X

When I was fortunate enough to win a contest held by the fine folks of Astroglide on twitter, they sent me a happy lil care package with some fun lubes to try out.  Any toychick worth her sexy salt knows that there are almost no sex toys or acts that aren’t improved by lube, so it made getting down to business with the slippery stuff easier than scheduling a timeslot for G-spotting, or cock ring play, etc.

I am almost always trying to de-pants my mate, with the very understandable justification that he looks awesome without pants on.  Astroglide X in hand, I promptly dragged him into the bedroom to manual manual minstrations in the name of science. He once again lost the valiant struggle to retain his pants-wearing preference.

The first thing I noticed was that the lube was body temperature almost immediately. Usually, I dab a little in my palm and swirl it around so I’m not grabbing his junk whilst slathered up with girl-squeak-inducingly cold liquid. But this? It almost came out of the bottle warm. I was also expecting a thick liquid – sort of the consistency of karo syrup – as this had been my previous experience with other silicone lubricants. Not so with Astroglide X! My first impression was how very like oil it was, both in the “thin” feel and spread. It coated lightly with very little assistance, but could be runny if you didn’t get it rubbed in right away. I really felt like I was using massage oil to rub him down, so Astroglide X would be awesome for people who love oil, but have to stay away from naughty bits for condom safety (oil will break down latex, making condoms ineffective).

The lubricant stayed warm throughout the time I used it, though it is to be noted I found myself applying it more frequently than other silicone lubricants. I’m not used to “refreshing” silicone lube while I’m using it, but it really only took a few drops to do so.  I imagine it would be great for couple sex and trying it with toys, more of a slick-and-thrust sort of play, but we decided we preferred our regular water-based for handjob use. It’s not to say the Astroglide X won’t be a nearby accessory – we plan on trying it out for other play in the near future. The guy also reports that it isn’t insanely hard to clean off his naughty bits, like other silicone lubes we’ve tried. (they hold up great to shower sex, but can be a pain in the ass to wash off)

Want to buy Astroglide X? You can purchase it here for $13.99.

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