Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #11 – “Anatomical Anomaly” Edition

A naked lady or nude gentleman can be an enticing and lovely sight to behold. Narrow the viewpoint on certain closeups, however, and what looked great in panorama begins to look like an H.P. Lovecraft brainchild when truncated.

1.) Brea’s Pocket Ass – it takes a moment to realize wtf is going on here, but apparently Brea has reached behind her, stuck an index finger in her backdoor, and is holding it open for the user. However, minus the cheeks and the rest of her hand for orientation, this ends up looking distractingly disturbing. Get your fill of fingerbutt for under $20! *

2.) This is supposed to emulate fucking both Lindsey and Lacey Love, the infamous twins of porn, at the same time. Rather than finding it stimulating, my brain wanders to considering exactly what sort of contortions the rest of their bodies have to twist through to get their naughty bits this close together.  I’m not one to knock legal sex practices (only illegal ones if you count the backwards states that throw the book at sodomy), mind you, but what do you do with this, exactly? Switch back and forth? Share it with a gymnastically-inclined friend?

3.) Would you like that WTF in a portable size? Well, here ya go! This one is Carmen and Austyn, if they had been joined at the pelvis, and shrunk to doll-like proportions. Only $39.95 and you too can tote this sleeve o’ weird wherever you go. *

4.) Ah, the titty blowjob – favorite of many. The placement and orientation of the various parts in this toy, however, seems to lend itself to the imagery of poking a giant unwelcome wang into a party of friendly underage pygmies doing body shots off one another.  The mouth doesn’t look like it belongs to those breasts, and everything’s so crazy small it borders on sex with barbies.

*If you’re really looking to buy these things, use code 25offone at checkout and you’ll get a discount.

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