For the thousands of you fine readers that slavishly hang on my every update, you are clearly already aware I’ve been in Las Vegas, Nevada up until yesterday evening. The show was the usual mix of poorly-conceived prototype toys that are in no way ready for debut, approximately 86.2 billion herbal “supplements” hawked by hyperactive young men, and a large variety of non-English-speaking Asian manufacturers that wouldn’t know dental hygiene or personal space if either were to hit them upside the head.
Thankfully, though our freaky neighbors to the east produce things that few of us would dare to incorporate into our bedroom acrobatics, they provide endless entertainment. Two of the strangest items I turned upstart up my WSTOTW: AVN 09 WTF Edition.
May I present:
- Rape Cloth (A VERY unfortunately named tearaway cloth with an equally unfortunately translated description) and
- The Sex Counter Cock Ring (Sex not impersonal enough? Not enough pressure to perform? Worry Not!)
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- Rape Cloth – “Successfully Developed”? What the fuck happened before the successful version?
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- …”Brutish nature for those people who like to seek for different sense organ”. Indeed.
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- For when counting pushups out loud doesn’t broadcast your manliness effectively enough.
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- Possibly the least sexy bedroom accessory ever.
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- Cause you NEED to be distracted while taking important measurements.
And, of course, our stateside brethren had contributions of their own:
- GoGo Tape – Tired of trying to juggle drywall calculations, affirmation of construction-trade gender and social stereotypes, and enabling sexual harassment lawsuits at the same time?
- The Snatch Snorkel – I physically possess one of these from the show. It’s packaged in a plastic ziploc-knockoff sandwich bag with half a sheet of printer paper stapled to it. It looks like a sad refugee from a medical supply warehouse closeout sale. Further, a few new Canadian friends and I, whilst poking at it, conjectured it wouldn’t work. The tubing works in medical settings because air is being mechanically pushed through it..natural breathing requires a larger tube, hence why snorkels are considerably larger in diameter. So, if you have a fantasy of vaginal suffocation while looking like a tool, by all means, partake in this dubious design.
-TTC
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