Checking In

Hello, my much-loved readers. Your ToyChick has been overwhelmed by the “real world,” which is decidedly less sexy than the comfy little spot I’ve carved out here on the web.

My husband ToySir and I have been slogging through a bit of financial hardship and my focus has been on working and freelance writing these days, leaving little time for the sexy escapades that once filled my datebook. We’re finally starting to get back on our feet after a very long handful of months, and now that both of us and the pets are being fed on the regular I’m going to try updating a bit more often. I hope all of you are doing well, and that my Northeastern buddies weren’t totally wrecked by Sandy blowing in.

Thank you for continuing to visit during my hiatus – I’m always humbled and full of gratitude to see this blog snagging 100-hit days when I haven’t updated in awhile. Merci, dear readers.

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Switching it Up

For those that are new to toychickery and don’t know my backstory, in a nutshell I found myself abruptly out of a 7 year relationship/engagement when he left me for another woman three years ago. Three months later, living with my father in SC while I was looking for a new place to live, I met ToySir through the BDSM social site Fetlife. He was a Dom(inant) and I was a listed Switch (someone who is both Dominant and Submissive) but acting sub(missive) so we fit together fantastically. There was rope, floggings, sexyfuntime, a brief child (miscarried 😦 ) and a wedding in the 12 months that followed our first date.

After being housewife for my ex, who had a high-paying job, hooking up with an unemployed partner was a new experience for me. I found myself thrust into the unexpected role of breadwinner, and while I rose to the challenge, I felt really disoriented and out of place. I had longed for a non-vanilla relationship in my last relationship, and here I had one and still didn’t get that “taken care of” feeling that I had hoped for. I was working constantly, it felt like, and resentment didn’t take long to creep in. We’ve been squabbling recently, and my patience is slim because of the dual stresses of a “traditional” job and constant freelancing. I’ve felt simultaneously powerless and responsible for everything at the same time, and my temper has been unpredictable at best for weeks.

My husband is a sweet but stubborn man who is extremely set in his ways and loyal to his worldview, much like I am. He embodies Dominant, lives and breathes it, likes to run everything more than anything. This morning I woke up to his gentle encouragement for me to look at Fetlife – I thought he’d posted something sweet or loving, as we’d had a bad fight yesterday and we’re both big on making up. I clicked to his profile page and I had one of those moments where the rest of the world kind of blurs out and you don’t hear anything going around you.

He listed himself as a switch.

I understand that to people that aren’t in BDSM that this sounds like much ado about nothing. However, this is a really huge “thing” for someone that lives lifestyle, equivalent (in my opinion, anyway) to a Democrat becoming Republican or vice versa. He posted for our friends, fellow Doms and subs, to see, and declared to the community at large that he was switching mantles.  This was honestly as big to me as an engagement, and it was a total surprise. His dominance is something he’s always guarded and used to define himself, so this was a step I couldn’t believe he made. I’m so proud of his courage and humbled by the gift of his willingness to redefine a part of himself with my guidance that I feel like the whole world’s changed.

I’m still kind of processing this new step in our lives, but I can say for sure I’m happy about it. When you think you’ve run all the bases and suddenly realize there’s so many more fields to explore, you can’t help but feel breathless with possibilities.

Thank you for being a part of the experience, dear readers.


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Sex Toys and Perception

A while ago, I noticed a few “daily deals” sites cropping up, dealing in sex toys. As a toy enthusiast and a marketing lover, I was thrilled with the idea – I’m all about Groupon, so why not extend that concept into something I can use for naughty fun time? Sadly, I watched as the industry’s embrace of the act-now-buy model seemed to sputter and evade liftoff.

Now, the quaint notion of the x-of-the-month club is the new black, and if my newest wave of twitter followers is any indication, there are a lot of startups hopping the bandwagon on this one. The idea is this – customer orders a plan from the company, in some cases specifying demographics like partner preferences and fetish-y loves, and then a box o toys gets delivered to them each month.

The issue I have is this – what if you don’t like it? A body is a tricky thing to match up with toys to begin with, and letting a company that likely has little more than a short survey to go on make that decision seems potentially disastrous. “Of the month” clubs aren’t known for being particularly affordable, which makes this possibility all the more concerning. In the interests of full disclosure, I’ve never joined up with one of these programs, but these are the reasons that I likely wouldn’t to begin with.

I have an issue with companies that re-package toys, as well. There’s a certain religious site that removes toys from their packaging and puts them in generic boxes instead, thus avoiding the apparently sinful appearance of cleavage wrapped around that jelly tube you’re preparing to shove your dick into until you cum. It feels disingenuous – if sex toy packaging is really so powerful a tool in old bandylegs’ arsenal, why not add glitter to liquor and call it “magic fuzzy juice” while you’re at it? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased that toys are making it into the bedrooms of folks that would otherwise be compelled to avoid them, it’s more annoyance that this particular tactic is necessary in the first place.

In some ways, depending on how bitchy I feel that day in my head, I’m even inclined to believe this sort of behavior is reinforcing the idea that sex toys are bad. I have a fellow blogger bud who tangled with porn and marriage impact in the past, and I know that having it around makes her uncomfortable at best. I wouldn’t deprive her of this option, but I feel that her situation is unique enough that she’s not the one they’re targeting. Sometimes it feels like these companies are cashing in on the (wrongfully!) shameful overtones and furtive shopping of faithful men and ladies that just want to add a little nitrous boost to their sex lives.

What do you think, dear readers? I’m curious if I’m the only one that subscribes to this particular line of thinking.



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Hey Potential Cancer – Suck It!

Not me, but my recently ex-smoking hubby, ToySir. Shortly after I penned my last entry, we found ourselves in the Emergency Room to deal with what we thought was another round of the kidney stones my spouse is so fond of biologically manufacturing. After waiting approximately 47 years on an uncomfortable cot with naught but Futurama reruns to sustain us, the scan results came back – no kidney stones.

So the blinding week-long kidney pain? We got the medical equivalent of a very expensive shrug and a “dunno”. We were packing up our various sci fi novels and putting on his shoes, when in the same tone of voice that I’d associate with, oh, I don’t know, reminding someone they need to get their parking validated, the doctor casually mentions there was a mass in his lung that showed up on the scan.

“But, you know, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s fairly common, you know, unless you’re a smoker, and this form says you aren’t, so..”

“He quit a year ago after 15 years of smoking.”

“Oh. Um. Well. Get another scan in the next 6 months. Have a good night!”

With all the grace of someone that just ruined a surprise party, he made a hasty exit through the puke-green curtain, leaving me to well up and immediately start bawling on my husband’s shoulder. The time since then has been anxious visits to the VA clinic, waiting for phone calls that never seem to come and staring worriedly at him every time he sneezes.

I hate this. I wish they’d call us for the scan appointment so a doctor can clear my husband and tell me that we still have a lifetime together, but the VA moves at the speed of continental drift because the system is so full of vets. I accept it could be nothing and I’ll feel like an ass later for fretting as much as I do, but it’s not something I can help.

I’m 29, he’s 34. This is one of those situations that always happened to other people, or decades from now, to me. It feels surreal, and I’m skittish to pipe up about the big C, as if it were Voldemort and capable of honing in on us if we talk about it. This is the closest I’ve come to talking about it so far.

Think good thoughts for us, ToyChick enthusiasts. We’ve got an uphill road ahead, even if it’s only waiting for results.



I’ve Been at McDonald’s. A lot.

Inevitably when I vanish off grid for a bit there are interesting stories. Sadly, they are never of the “I won the lottery” or “I discovered a rogue pack of delicious cupcakes” variety. They are almost always of the “my car broke down in a strip club parking lot at 3 am while my purse was full of surf and turf” variety.

This time, replace strip club with a jaunt to SC and surf and turf with needing to put my beloved 12 year old pet rabbit to sleep. Memorial day, in a nutshell, sucked for the husband and I as we were tangling with gloriously unhelpful vet techs and trying to determine why it took in excess of $300 for them to do…that.

Powered by the Infinite Improbability Drive

ToySir’s been working construction out in middle-of-nowhere NC (I don’t get cell signal here) and, as he can’t drive at the moment, I’m bringing him here and home each day. The site is an hour from the house and gas is expensive, so I’ve been camping out in McDonald’s here for 6-8 hour “shifts” and tapping into their wifi.

The absence of dildos on my blog lately is directly related to this situation, and in fact I’ve had difficulty even doing the paying writing work I get for the industry because – of course – the only outlet in the entire restaurant is right next to where they display the happy meal toys. Thankfully, sexy normalcy is on the horizon because we’re about due for another installment of SugarLips with the results of Sweet Release.

*salute* Back soon, ladies, gents and folks.

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The Mentioning of Unmentionables: Bad Customer Service

A business is hard to run. There’s always a million little things going wrong, employees not communicating correctly, understocking and other annoying issues to contend with. That being said, even the lowliest cashier has sense enough to know that if there’s extra money in the till at the end of a workday, it bears a little investigation at the least. Over at Note from Lapland, a fellow blogger gives us the timeline of an ill-fated order to NaughtyNightsUK, a big-ish store (large enough to approach some of us stateside about advertising, anyway) across the pond.

What strikes me is that they held onto her money for two months without even looking into where it came from. OhMiBod is not your cheap plastic freebie sort of vibe – it’s a collection of high-quality products and I know they carry a price tag to match. In addition, it’s eye-rollingly obvious when you only jump up to take on a problem when bad PR starts flowing…don’t be disingenuous, be apologetic and acknowledge that the SEO megaphone of twitter is what made you hop to, not some newfangled customer service “system”.

This is my signal boost here stateside to caution my UK friends about patronizing this joint. If you need an alternative with decent customer service, LoveHoney is getting some solid mention in the comments.

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Cock Leggings.

They’re leggings with cocks on them. Thought you should know.

(Courtesy of the lovely @SilverDreams on Twitter)

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A New Evil Lair Awaits!

Okay, so it’s just a new house. I’m moving to a new house with my husband because this one is poorly laid out, and while I appreciate the convenience of being able to walk up the block to pick up crack, we don’t partake and thus our current location is just wasted on the likes of us. I will miss it here, but a giant yard for the dog and an area that can be reasonably turned into a BDSM playspace was a bit of a siren’s call. Here’s to new adventures!

I may be short on posts this week as we make the transition – naturally, we’re good little internet junkies and the comps will be the first things unpacked, but the net won’t be turned on until the 1st.

Expect rampant phone-based twittering as we wait on the technician. 🙂


ETA: Here’s a pic of all my dildos! Packing lends itself to photo ops with this stuff 🙂

ThatToyChick's Dildo Collection

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e-Lust, Edition # 33

Photo Courtesy of JM from There is No Spoon!

Welcome to e[lust] – Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #35 ? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! Note: Wondering why there is no Top 3 this edition? Read the latest Editor’s Note to find out why, and what you can do to help prevent this from happening in the future.

~ Featured Posts (Picked by Lilly) ~

The Ultrasound and the FuryI cried softly and my partner moved closer to the table so I could lay my cheek against him for comfort and support. Then they brandished a wand and explained they needed to take pictures inside of me. And told him to get out.

Vagina in the Wild – Adventures in PantslessnessThey are self-cleaning and self-lubricating. They are a wonderfully well designed body part that speaks of feminine power and beauty. They leave wet spots on the couch.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Ultimate Guide to Silicone Sex Toys – With Metis Black of Tantus, Inc.I picked the brain of Metis Black, the fabulous woman behind Tantus Inc, makers of some very awesome silicone sex toys. Get your sex geek on and find out some myths and facts about silicone sex toys!

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

As Is Custom
Consent and negotiation
Fishnets and Spanking and Sleep
In room entertainment
Ladies’ Night: My First Time at an All-Womens’ Sex Party
Learn the rope of knots: Overhand Knot
slapping…drinking…and other wacky fun…
That Moment

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

An Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh
Erotic-On Me
Eyes Wide Smut
Strangers on a Train

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Bondage Insecurities
Cunnilingus 101
Getaway Sex vs Everyday Sex
Gifts from Lover’s
Innies, Outties & 3-Ways
Im 35 and My Mum Can Hear Me Having Sex
Mono or Poly
Mmm, the kissage!
Never Pinch a Sadist #3: Relationship Rules
Primary? Alpha?
Safewords in the Real World
The long distance thing
The Next Evolution – Swinging-Open Marriage-Polyamory

Erotic Writing

A Good Day and Sexzy Night
50 Ways to Fuck Your Lover
Blissful Candlelit Climax
Cunny Honey
Easy Like Sunday Mornings
first date
In which… I go to my first party (Part I)
I’m the Slut
How It All Started
Mount’n Dew
Our Sex Diary (Part Two!)
Some Truth…About Cocksucking
She Takes Control
The Chair – The Execution
The Beast
That Familiar Maddening Thrill
The Importance of (Emotional and Physical) Self-Love
Vignette 2: Traffic Stop
Working Out
Whore’s Mouth

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e[lust] #33 – the sex blog round up

Photo courtesy of Penny

Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as STI’s, swingers and poly relationships, spanking, role play and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #34? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ The Top Three Posts ~

I’m The 48%I keep breathing. Strangely enough, the world didn’t end at that precise moment. I felt numb. I stared at those two red lines on the monitor.

Can Swingers be Happily Married? Long Term?Swinging can be an exhilarating experience. It requires sincerity, honesty, vulnerability, strength, forgiveness, and patience.

Secretary I was a little worried: my intentions in placing the ad had been purely dishonorable, but her response offered no evidence that she correctly divined my intentions.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Why I Write – And Respect – Negative Sex Toy ReviewsI call a spade a spade, and name it out for being crap no matter if it’s $39 crap or $139 crap. Crap is crap and you shouldn’t have to buy it.

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

A Little Spanking Can Go A Long WayAll I could do was hold on until it was over. It was more than I could take, but I took it and, of course, I loved it.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A Great Fuck
all my weight on her
a Masturbation Story
Bunco Night!
Fag-Break Fuck
Having him in my mouth
hypnopompic Apparition
Kiss Me There
Naked Underwater
Sodom: Enter the Fist

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Beginner’s Guide to Spanking
A Matter of Lube
Attraction, Rejection and Uncertainty
Bad Vibes, Generally
Fluidity: Growing-up Poly Part VI
Going Down
Making Love
Never Pinch a Sadist
Near Outing due to Outrage
Porn, Pubic Hair, Sex & Reality
Sadie Says … Remember Santa Barbara

Kink & Fetish

Hungry Beast
Later that afternoon – Part IV
Long-distance Roleplay & BDSM
Reflecting on Vacation Playtime: Part III: Tent Slut Slapped
The Dungeon Club

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Odd Sex laws around the World

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