Wicked Web Review: DancingBear.com

If you’re into a certain genre of porn, chances are there’s a membership site out there that caters explicitly to your tastes. Blowjobs, barely legal and a host of others are fairly commonplace, but as their exposure (har!) continues to crowd the ‘net, more exotic sites are popping up. DancingBear.com is a site that caters to CFNM enthusiasts – that’s clothed female, naked male. I was aware of this particular acronym from my association with the BDSM community, but where my previous understanding was that CFNM was used in a humiliation sense for the male, DancingBear is all about fun all around.

The premise is this: a large group of women gather for a celebration – bachelorette party, 21st birthday, going-away party, arbor day (okay, so I made that one up) and someone’s hired a stripper. He does his thing, his clothes come off, theirs stay on, and all the women take turns blowing the guy. He’s just trying to do his job, ladies! Sometimes the guest of honor or one of her friends will have out-and-out sex in front of everyone, often the stripper will cum on someone’s face. At some point in every movie the eponymous costume bear head comes out while the well-built male body beneath it continues to strut its stuff.  There is usually more than one male stripper in every video, and the crowd is raucous and loud in cheering on their every move.

The women in the background are of all shapes and sizes, but it’s usually the typical “porn pretty” girl that gets fucked outright – that being said, it’s not unusual to see “real” details on these women too, like natural pubic hair. DancingBear manages to capture the frenzy and go-wild energy of a party while still keeping camera angles clear and lighting unobtrusive. Party porn is often plagued by strobe lights, errant shadows or lighting that is either too bright or too dim, but their camera work manages a believable you’re-right-there point of view without overdoing it.

Each movie is full length (around 60-80 minutes each, from my explorations), and a member has the option of watching the whole thing in various forms – high def, medium, etc. This is what the “watch video” screen looks like from a logged-in perspective:

 

DancingBear.com login memberships can be purchased for $1 / 48 hours, $24.95/month and $119 / year. 

Review: Isi Dildo from Babes-n-Horny.com

Silicone is where it’s at, as any toy-lovin gal knows, but until now our options have been curiously flat in hue. Sure, we could opt for exotic colors like purple, or fall for pearlescent sheens – or heck, even have objects embedded in our bedside tools, but overall it was a color x for dildo y sort of formula.

UNTIL NOW. (dramatic music)

This, dear readers, is the Isi dildo. It’s rounded, friendly and probably one of the most visibly striking dils in my collection to date. Brag pics to my twitter friends of my Babes-N-Horny.com collection drew compliments firmly in the favor of this playfully striped dildo, and I got more than a few queries as to where I’d picked it up. It’s fun, fresh and reflects the lighter side of sexual play – plus, it’s non-representational for toy lovers that like less wang-specific insertables.

Measuring a petite but serviceable 5″ in length (4.5″ insertable), the Isi dildo ranges from about 1″ to 1.15″ in diameter. The base is flared, making it great for harness use – Babes-N-Horny.com has several that fit the bill – and safe anal play. The rounded tip slides in easily and doesn’t poke or prod uncomfortably.

Now here’s the interesting thing I noticed about the Isi dildo, and Babes-N-Horny.com’s silicone in general – it’s soft. Not outer-layer-of-dual-density kind of soft silicone, but closer to a texture I’d associate with foam rubber. I can “squish” it easily with two fingers, and bend the already lightly-angled shaft with one, as you can see here:

This differently textured silicone means that heavy thrusting might be a bit awkward, but on the other hand, beginner’s anal play is going to be extremely comfortable. The entire dildo has this uniform “squishiness” with the exception of the pink pearlescent band. This unusual component has a firmness I’d associate more with typical silicone – more rubber-like than foam-rubber-like. It may help provide the curve seen in the shaft, but I can’t be sure:

All in all, this is a very fun dildo that I’d highly recommend for anyone interested in trying anal. Its relative softness, slight curve, rounded tip and flared base are all but custom-made for the task and won’t disappoint. Water-based lube works well with it, and it cleans up very quickly with soap and water.

The Isi Dildo can be purchased via Babes-N-Horny.com for  £45.00 (Roughly $71.00 USD)

Curious about other Babes-N-Horny toys? I have three other reviews forthcoming for the line, so stay tuned!

Project Sugarlips Go: In Which My Hubby’s a Lucky Bastard

So, my recent foray into Masque Oral Sex Strips got me to thinking. I’ve given curious readers a peek at a product that changes the taste experience of fellatio from the outside – why not from the inside? I am a fellatio enthusiast (while I’d like to say my sparkling personality was the reason I went from first date to wife in under a year, it had some help) as ToySir is happy to attest to, and semen enhancers hold a certain fascination for me. There are several of these products on the market, and I think a comparison experiment is in order.

So far on the roster, we’ll have a “control” application, an “apple cider” application, a “pineapple” application and one application for any of the following that I can snag sponsors for:

• Sweeten69
• Semenex
• Cum D’licious
• SueetX
• YummyCum
• Sweet Release
• Yummy Cummy

Each application will be rated for Difference from Control, Bitterness, “Ammonia” taste, Sweetness, Scent and Overall User Experience. I plan on declaring a winner when all is said and done (this project may take a few weeks, there is a human element here 😉 and possibly even giving some swag away, depending on the generosity of my sponsors. Stay tuned!

Review: Masque Oral Sex Strips

Ooh fancy. (Blindfold by Kinklab & Tickler by Sportsheets)

When I receive a product to review, my first instinct is to look at it from every angle, read all the promotional materials and try and get a “feel” for the product overall. With non-mechanical items, this can be a little challenging, but not impossible. Masque was one of these challenges.

Masque is a single-use oral sex “strip” in one of four flavors – chocolate, strawberry, mango and watermelon.

Each individual strip comes in a small foil package that opens by peeling apart the corner.

Roughly the size and thickness of a Listerine breath strip, it’s placed on the tongue just prior to performing fellatio to “mask” the taste of penis to theoretically make oral sex more pleasant to the taste buds.

I was surprised initially by the package text, as it specifies fellatio and not cunnilingus – sorry ladies! It does contain glycerin, an ingredient that can cause sensitivities and yeast infections in some female users, so that might be a good thing when all’s said and done. (By the by, for those intrepid readers out there, I also wondered wtf Pullulan was. Apparently, it’s a fungus derivative used in most breath freshener strips. Yum?)

I wish I could say that this product was nifty. Yes, the concept is interesting (though I’d recommend a long talk with your partner about bedroom desires far before I’d fork over a flavored film to cover their taste) and the execution should work, but the taste just…isn’t quite there. I tried chocolate for myself and it tasted like a combination of burnt coffee grinds and menthol, which is odd because there’s no menthol in it. It filled my whole mouth with the taste and I will say this – I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between my partner’s penis and a bedpost at that point. It is VERY persistent – and I mean VERY – two toothbrushings and a vigorous rinse with mouthwash after the fact and it was still going pretty strong. In the name of science ToySir “stripped up” and popped a tab of strawberry onto his tongue moments before getting down to business. He sat up and pawed at his tongue almost immediately with a squinched-up nose – while I wasn’t fond of the taste, he genuinely disliked it. On my end, my lady parts felt…well…odd, and there was that menthol-y feeling again, only this time it was all up in my Georgia O Keefe. We rinsed off, brushed our teeth and declared Masque a less-than-successful experiment.

It bears mentioning that my partner and I are all about each other’s genitals, and bringing these little guys into the bedroom probably made about as much logical sense as non-smoking me chowing down on some nicorette gum. I wanted to give Masque a fair shake, though, and I can say that it successfully covers any hope you had of tasting your partner’s wang. My issue lies mainly on the taste used to fill the void – I feel like it misses the mark and that it’s less pleasant than the taste of penis. If you’re giving it a go, my advice would be to try a corner or a half first to see how it works with your particular taste buds.

Sorry, Masque – looks like partying incognito just doesn’t do it for this ToyChick.

Masque strips are available in three packs for $9.95 at YourMasque.com. 

Smut Shelf Review: How to be Kinkier – More Adventures in Adult Playtime by Morpheus

I am a happy lifestyler. I met my husband on Fetlife, I go to a munch religiously every week, and our neighbors down the street totally have a dungeon we’ve played in. BDSM is a part of my fundamental makeup, and I just love it to pieces. I fall on the lighter side of things, identifying more with the idea of a service submissive than that of the flogged-to-welts bondage doll, but I can appreciate a good scene too. Green Candy was kind enough to appeal to all facets of my kink interests by sending me a copy of How to be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime by Morpheous.

The first thing I noticed when flipping through this particular tome was the photographs. Make no mistake, the content is excellent, but the pictures really elevate this lengthy (306 pages!) piece of work to something special. They’re clear, crisp and extremely visually appealing, transforming this book from a well-written instructional to a coffee table book that friends will want to swipe. Attractive models of all stripes cavort through chapters, some swapping top and bottom positions with equal ease. That being said, I don’t consider this porn – there are unabashed breasts and a penis or two, but everything is presented artistically and supports the text nearby – gratuitous this ain’t.

As far as information goes, How to be Kinkier is chock full of it. The tone of the book reminds me of a particularly engaging presentation in text form – it speaks to the reader and is laced throughout with anecdotes that illustrate concepts without sounding preachy or boring. Short “recesses” in each chapter inform readers how to use exotic items like thumb cuffs and leather mummification bags. There is a bemusing preoccupation with balloons that is dusted throughout the book, but overall the tone is balanced and covers an almost dizzying array of subjects that left even my know-it-all self educated. Needle play? Check. Vacuum beds? Check. BDSM dynamics within a poly relationship? You betcha. And if you’ve ever wanted to know how to make an involved set of water-filled anal beads out of a series of long circus balloons, boy do I have good news for you.

Endorsed by the great Nina Hartley, full of fun how-tos and a fantastic resource for singles, couples and groups that want to take things beyond the fuzzy handcuffs – How to be Kinkier is one of those comprehensive collections that every nightstand needs. I love this book – just maybe not all the evil new ideas it’s given my Dominant hubby. 😉

Get your own copy of  How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime over at Amazon today!

Sex Toy Review: Jute Rope and Hemp Rope from KnottyKink.com

Jute and Hemp Ropes from LoversKnotRopes.com

For readers that may not know, ToySir and I met in late 2010 on Fetlife. Due to a hilarious-yet-sad series of circumstances, the rope dominant I’d been palling around with never did end up tying me up, leaving me a frustrated rope virgin. I stumbled across ToySir on a comment thread and slipped a heavy-handed hint into his inbox – less than two weeks later we were holed up in a cheap hotel room and I finally got tied up. Needless to say, rope has a special place in my heart, as it inadvertently led me to my now-husband…our wedding rings even have ropes on them in honor of “the ties that bind”.

Last summer, I ordered a set of ropes from a certain “tangled priest”, shelling out over $150 to get Sir a nice all-around kit to add to our toybag. What followed was an inexplicable month-long wait after several reassurances that my items would “ship soon”. The Vegas vacation we had planned a month prior (I had mentioned needing the rope for it, mind you) came and went, and we came back to find the box sitting on our doorstep, delivered several days after we’d already left. The dye I paid extra for didn’t saturate past the very top layer of rope, and the rope shed dyed hemp “dandruff” all over the sheets and our clothing, despite shaking it out and rubbing down the surface before pressing it into service. I was underwhelmed to say the least.

Enter Lovers Knot Rope Company. I was browsing around for other rope buying options – a friend had requested one of me and “tangled” just wasn’t cutting it for me – and I found the site. My communications with the gent running things were clear, quick and friendly and I was immediately enamored of the difference I experienced from the start. But OH when my rope arrived, I was sold. The undyed hemp is positively silky, and that perfect weight that begs to be picked up and worked into harnesses, bindings and so much more. I handed it to Sir, the resident rope expert of we two, and he immediately remarked about how much smoother the surface was than our other hemp rope.

Very simple back tie.

The jute was surprisingly light, and I could see it being very, very comfortable for long term wear, such as harnesses for a convention or event. I smooshed it around and tied and untied it over our white bedsheets, and there was no “dandruff” to be seen. The ends on the rope are whipped and sewn to prevent unraveling, as seen in this closeup:

Whipped and sewn ends.

Lover’s Knot Rope Company’s jute and hemp rope are currently available in natural, red, black and plum purple – that delightful deep blue is joining the lineup shortly. Rope runs $16 for 15 feet and $31 for 30 feet, and custom lengths and wall knotting are available for an additional $5 a unit.

Blue jute rope, red jute rope and natural hemp.

I highly recommend Lover’s Knot Rope products from KnottyKink.com – they’re a much-loved addition to our toy bag, I feel the prices are very reasonable, and the customer service is top-notch. These are folks who care a lot about the products they’re putting out into the fetish world, and it shows.

Smut Shelf Review: Best Sex Writing 2012

I’m an anthology fiend. The idea of one book with many stories is an amazing thing to me, like stacking dolls full of interesting concepts. That said, the idea of an anthology written with sex as a central theme is even more appealing.

My beloved smut shelf is full of other tomes of Bussel’s editorial endeavors (Yes, Sir is lovingly dog-eared by now) so I knew I was in for a treat when I got the virtual book tour email I was anxiously awaiting. Best Sex Writing 2012 is not “smut” per se, despite its place on the aforementioned shelf – it’s actually a very well assembled collection of pieces about sex and sexual culture that forces the reader to think. I’ve had my head buried in erotica and sci-fi for so long, I’d nearly forgotten what informative writing “felt” like, and I’ve just been quite pleasantly reminded.

These are not dry facts and figures, news stories that you’d gloss over in search of something more engaging. These are works that sit up and demand you join them, leading the reader on a journey through cultural and intellectual territory. My usual detachment got tossed over a shoulder as I settled in for tales of congressional misconduct, a rare voice in support of circumcision, and a surprisingly touching story of a widow’s encounter with an erotic masseur that made me tear up halfway through. This year’s edition starts out with insightful words from the editrix and a foreword from another great anthology-wrangler, Susie Bright. Twenty-four gems lurk between the pages, ready to educate the reader in everything from LGBT and queer culture to media misconceptions on buzz-worthy topics like sex work and dating with STDs.

An excellent mix of familiar this-is-my-life stories interspersed with broader treatments of headline-making movements and figures, I’d be surprised if readers of any bent don’t find at least a handful of pieces here that grab their attention and refuse to let go. If you’re looking for an interesting read, do yourself a favor and snag a copy of Best Sex Writing 2012. Your hand may not end up down your pants while you’re reading, but don’t be surprised to find it in your hair. Stimulation, after all, comes in many different forms.

Smut Shelf Review: Whispers of the Flesh by Louisa Burton

I picked up this book in the dreamlike frenzy of “OMG-how-much-off??” Borders closing sales, but that doesn’t make it any less of a good read. I had previously leafed through the next book in the series, In The Garden of Sin, and as such knew a little bit about the main(ish) characters, Elic and Lili – a gender-changing Incubus and a Succubus, respectively.

Ms. Burton manages to weave an eminently readable story, providing – in my opinion – just enough imagery, background and emotions to balance the sex scenes that are liberally sprinkled throughout the book. As with the previous installment in this four-book series, two different stories are in the book. The first covers a historical peek back in time, while the other fast-forwards to more-or-less present day. This provides a nice pair of tales set on the same stage – the lush French estate of the Grotto Cachee, rife with secret pathways, mysterious hot springs, magic and well-endowed satyr statues.

In the first tale, a Jesuit student arrives at the estate under the guise of performing landscaping duties. Seduced by the lovely Lili despite his religious beliefs and restrictions, their eventual romp is the satisfying product of a spirited teasing chase. In the second story, which is slightly more involved and may need more concentration from the reader, a love story blooms between two of the estate’s caretakers, interspersed with peeks back in time to a 1960’s orgy as well as the kink-ridden escapades of the Grotto’s resident satyr.

If you like your smut classy and supported by backstory, look to Ms. Burton’s works. Her biography-emphasized love of demonology and Victorian fiction comes through clearly, offering an end product that appeals to the mind as much as more scandalous parts. Letters to Penthouse this is not, although kink, dirty talking, and even drug use are eloquently addressed by various supporting characters as the story meanders to the last pages.

As an aside, if Whispers of the Flesh is NC-17, In The Garden of Sin was XXX. Select accordingly if you want to forge into this author’s excellent works.

Whispers of the Flesh can be purchased for $11.05 over at Amazon.com. 

Wet Inttimo Massage Oils Rub Me the Right Way

Don’t get me wrong, I think that soft, candlelit romance straight out of an illustrated Kama Sutra guide has its place in a relationship, but the day to day – at least for me – is far less silk-filtered. Erotic massage ranks pretty damn high only list of sexy things, second only to useful massage that makes other (less directly sexy) parts of me stop hurting. Crucial to this process is the massage medium; the oil, lotion, or other slick substance used to smooth out strokes and keep distracting friction to a minimum throughout the process.

I am very, very fussy about what goes on my skin, to the end that my body lotions have gained their coveted positions amongst my toiletries only through years of dedicated service. A lot of massage oils are exactly that – oil – that sits on the skin and makes you feel less like a pampered goddess and more like a braised cornish game hen* slated for the oven. In a similar vein, a lot of massage oil scents are geared towards women, slathering would-be massagees up in Eau de Fruit Loops or Essence of Department Store Cosmetics Counter, and where does that leave the menfolk and the lovers of non-traditional scents? Out in a nasally no man’s land, that’s where.

It’s rare I find something that I’m so fond of that it never leaves the bedside table, but Wet Inttimo has a well-earned place beside my glasses every night. I’m supremely lucky in that my awesome ToySir gives me a rubdown of some sorts at least once a day, and I’m willing to believe his fondness for the scent of the Tranquility oil has something to do with the sudden upswing in massagery lately. A toothpaste cap’s worth of the oil is all you really need for the whole back, and the small opening that’s thoughtfully placed at the bottle top under the cap keeps the flow entirely in the holder’s control. Even with our frequent use, one bottle lasted us a good four or five months, which means this product is more than worth it, to me.

The formula, which is about the same consistency of olive oil (but actually has a base of sweet almond oil) is scented, but not perfumed – I feel this is an important distinction to make because I go instantly to headache-ville the minute something heavily perfumed is put in my immediate area, let alone on my skin. Yes, you can smell the scents of each of the four varieties, but nothing knocks you off your feet or pulls your consciousness out of relaxation. The oil absorbs quickly and doesn’t make me feel “unwashed” as some others have; I usually like to rinse off after a long rubdown, but there have been times I haven’t and I’ve felt just fine.

If you’re looking for a reasonably priced, long-lasting, and high quality massage oil, pick up a bottle of Wet Inttimo. I’ve used it for several years and have only grown to enjoy it more and more each time I open my little bedside bottle. There are four scents to choose from: Tranquility (my fave) with ginger and bergamot, Romance with cedarwood and patchouli, Sensuality with ylang-ylang and tuberose, and Forbidden Fruit with wildberries. Each bottle is 4 oz and can be purchased for $10.95 here.

 

The Harness That Made Me A Sexual Superhero: Joque Harness Review (Myspare.com)

Pssst. There’s a contest at the end. Read through! (Congrats to our winner, RavenQuince!)

***

Hello, my dear readers. I know it’s been a good long while since I’ve related a tale of sticking something in me or on me, so I was well overdue for a review or two.

Spareparts Harnesses are a company I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and dealing with for a few years. They are one of those special toy companies whispered about from harness users to harness users, usually prefaced with “Ohmigod you have GOT to try…”

Their “swimsuit material” harnesses can be used in the shower/bath/pool/hot tub, and are designed – get this – with the WEARER in mind, not the (90-pounds-soaking-wet / has never seen another vagina or a guy to be pegged in her LIFE) model on the front of the box. They are comfortable, intuitive, and just…well, they’re just awesome. Can you tell I like these things? The first time I tried a harness on, it was a “leather” one from one of the “big guys” of toy manufacturing. There were so many straps, buckles, cinches, and scary-looking hardware dangling from it, that by the time I squished my svelte size 20 frame into it, I’m fairly sure a casual passerby would think I had let my underwear and a parachute rig have hasty unprotected sex.

To duplicate the experience, I slipped the Joque on *without* reading the instructions at all. It honestly took all of thirty seconds, and my inner dialogue went something like, “Oh! Okay, that goes here…wow, will you look at that? Well that was easy. Velcro! I love…ooh, the leg straps are stretchy too. Wow, this is actually..it feels just like I’m only wearing underwear. I wonder if I could fit…”

And yes, folks. I did, in fact, fit the Ebon Stallion in this thing. 5.25″ in circumference and giant balls…not to mention it’s CERAMIC. I walked around the house with this obscenely large ceramic penis jutting out in front of me like a flagpole, and damned if it didn’t stay exactly where I put it. There was no…er…drooping, shall we say? The 90 degree angle held up through several renditions of the risky business dance through my living room.  The reason behind this is a thick O ring made of many, many layers of the same material of the harness that stretches and conforms to whatever you’re equipping the harness with.

Even despite my best harness-wearing wiggle, my guy was immune to my pegging charms (he wanted to fix computers instead of getting buttsecks…you believe that?) and so I took revenge on his backup girlfriend, the Fleshlight. I swapped out the big boy for my trusty goodfella, slipping on a condom -before- sliding it through the O ring (which actually works very well to keep the condom in place, a good consideration for those who are sharing toys with non-fluid-bonded partners), lubed up, and went to town.

Wow. Okay, I totally see why people rock the strap on now. I mean, I’ve played around with my “other” harness (who will be languishing alone in the drawer now) and I got that “Oh, hey, cool I have a penis” thing…but it was NOTHING like wearing the Jocque. I actually climaxed with nothing going on internally, because the Joque sits the dildo of choice right where it should.  There was no chafing, pinches, or anything to remind me that I was wearing a harness and a silicone dildo to disrupt my daydreams I had managed to spontenously grow a bio wang of my very own.

Why I like the Joque:

Washable: When I do manage to pull my guy away from his computers, pegging will be a cinch because I can just toss the whole harness into the wash when I’m done. That was a really nice feature to me, because my guy and I both enjoy all sorts of sex play, but are very adamant about proper cleanup when all is said and done.

Easy To Put On: I’m a total spaz. If I can get this thing on without reading instructions and without dislocating something – believe me, you can too.

It Lurves Big Girls: I got size “B”, and I’m a size 20 in pantaloons. I do not feel like I’m stretching the wearability limits…and in fact, feel like it would very comfortably fit bigger girls than I with the straps let out.  It adjusts with four plastic buckles on thick (quality) elastic straps around the legs and under the butt and two similarly buckled straps over two folding panels of velcro on the generously thick waist band. A size “A” is also available for smaller wearers.

They Support NYSBC: www.SparePartsHardware.com generously donated a harness to raise funds for SWA during the calendar party raffle. Wouldn’t you like to own toys that you know support the causes YOU believe in?

***

Because they’re kickass, Spareparts not only gave me a Joque to review and a Joque for the NYSBC raffle, they also gave me one for YOU! That’s right, you could have a superhero harness all your own to..you know…dance around the living room with. Or whatever. Ahem.

This lovely chocolate colored Joque is a Size “A”  (edited to add: Size A fits a 20-50″ waist) and ready to rock the world of a winner (and their lucky partner(s)!) I will be drawing a winner a week from now from everyone who leaves me a comment in this post. Yep, that’s it – just leave a comment! Make sure there’s an email or some way to contact you (blog link, twitter name, etc) in the comment or I can’t give you your goodies!

While it isn’t required, tweeting is an awful nice thing to do, don’t ya think? 😉 “ Hey! @ThatToyChick is giving away a Joque Spareparts Harness! http://tinyurl.com/yz7rnr5 – Please RT 🙂 ”

-Luv, TTC