Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week: Water Balloon Edition

on February 5, 2015

Random fuckery update – apparently the husband has come to something resembling his senses and started wanting my amazing (let’s be honest here) ladyparts again. We’re doing better now and I am less like an angry wolverine in terms of libido, but we’ll see how it goes in the long run. Thanks for everyone who lit dildo candles for me or something, cause it worked. ❤

You know when you see one of those things that makes you go “Oh! Right! I’m living in the future. Cool!” and stare in fascination? That’s me with the Soloflesh Water-Filled Masturbator. I’m pretty sure if I had a Soloflesh I’d just spend all day filling and refilling it, watching a nicely-shaped ass randomly appear and disappear in my bathroom sink. This really cool male masturbator is essentially a sexy water balloon, only with way more natural curves and aesthetics. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but seriously, watch the video and tell me you aren’t fuckin mesmerized by this shit:

I like it because it gives users discretion but still offers access to a something-approaching-real-size ass and pussy toy, plus you get the nice feeling of warmth from the surrounding water. I can see this posing a real problem for guys with genital piercings, though – it’d be pretty awkward to have to explain the giant wet spot soaking your mattress without bringing theoretical urine into the scenario.  If your penis does not have unduly poky bits, you can pick up your very own Soloflesh Male Sex Toy for $155 USD. [ Update, 2/7/17: Sadly, I’ve been informed Soloflesh is out of business. 😦 ]

But TC, you say, what if I don’t want to drop a bunch of money on a water-filled sex toy? What if I wanted to get mine from the same venue that dispenses candy bars and condoms of questionable durability in truck stop bathrooms? Ahh, my friend, you should know me better than that. Of COURSE I have you covered. Meet the Willaboo water-filled masturbator – it’s cheap, fun to say AND fun to hump.

Considering you can pick up 5 of these for less than $30 AND they come with lube packets and inflating straws (which make them look sorta like perverted juice boxes, but whatever), that’s a downright bargain. Oh, and they’re recyclable, though I’m not sure I could look my trash guys in the eye if I had a can full of empty bottles and sad, spent masturbators out in front of the house.

Willaboo Inflatable Masturbator Instructions

And, by the by, if the name of this male sex toy made you recall web comic Perry Bible Fellowship’s infamous “Weeaboo” strip, you aren’t alone.

As with most WSTOTW posts, I’ve learned something new this week. There is a porn site devoted entirely to balloons – mainly of the grainy video amateur variety – called Loonertube. As one weird thing leads to another, I discovered that BalloonBuddies.com will send you a whole baggie of new inflatable sex partners (emblazoned with sexy cartoon logos, natch) for around $25. The descriptions list the type of latex the balloon is made of, emphasize the “neck” you’ll get to enjoy, and other fascinating ‘looner terminology*. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, that I’ve been unsurprised by a fetish but genuinely startled by how organized it’s devotees are.

*b2p = blow to pop, which can ironically be pretty easily used in other fetishes. It sounds like a futuristic lollipop. I’m going to start incorporating it into daily conversations.

Insert a “full of hot air” joke here because I’m too lazy to do so – we’re out of half-and-half and that means TCs have not had their coffee and are still growly. Hope you enjoyed this Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week!


2 responses to “Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week: Water Balloon Edition

  1. MSF says:

    It looks like the soloflesh site is no longer in business.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: