Weird Sex Toys O The Week: The WHAT?? Dildo Edition

on July 12, 2014

Okay. Guys. Those of you who follow me on Twitter are already aware of this because I could no more keep this under wraps than a cat can resist indignantly licking itself after you pet it. I am not making any value judgements, and I’m actually super-psyched to see that such a unique sexual interest niche is getting its own toys. But…wow. It takes a lot for me to push back my desk chair, blink a little and call ToySir at work to share the news that something exists.

Meet Primal Hardwere’s Splorch, a $129 silicone alien ovipositor dildo that dispenses gelatin chicken eggs.

Let that sink in for a moment.

The Primal Hardwere Splorch Dildo

The Splorch Dildo from PrimalHardwere.com

It’s…fascinating, isn’t it? It’s made for xenomorph enthusiasts with a thing for alien egg impregnation, and it thoughtfully comes with a six-egg mold so you can make your own gelatin chicken eggs for it to dispense. I confess to not being entirely sure where to go from that point…I imagine the eggs go…in…somewhere? I leave that to the scholars to expound on.

The Splorch Dildo from PrimalHardwere.com

The Splorch Dildo from PrimalHardwere.com

Chances are, if you’re still reading, you’re a curious as I was. Thankfully, Primal Hardwere has supplied a video of this odd not-so-little sex toy in action:

 

The world of furry/otherkin-targeted toys is evidently much larger than I imagined, back in my baby-blogging days when I thought TSX toys and their whale dildos were the weirdest animalish insertables the internet had to offer. With companies like Bad Dragon (of tentacle dildo fame) and the Splorch’s manufacturer Primal Hardwere crafting insanely creative fuckable things from silicone, I’m excited about the industry as a whole – the “indie” dildo movement is a rising tide (of lube?) that lifts all boats.

 

 


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