Switching it Up

on August 5, 2012

For those that are new to toychickery and don’t know my backstory, in a nutshell I found myself abruptly out of a 7 year relationship/engagement when he left me for another woman three years ago. Three months later, living with my father in SC while I was looking for a new place to live, I met ToySir through the BDSM social site Fetlife. He was a Dom(inant) and I was a listed Switch (someone who is both Dominant and Submissive) but acting sub(missive) so we fit together fantastically. There was rope, floggings, sexyfuntime, a brief child (miscarried 😦 ) and a wedding in the 12 months that followed our first date.

After being housewife for my ex, who had a high-paying job, hooking up with an unemployed partner was a new experience for me. I found myself thrust into the unexpected role of breadwinner, and while I rose to the challenge, I felt really disoriented and out of place. I had longed for a non-vanilla relationship in my last relationship, and here I had one and still didn’t get that “taken care of” feeling that I had hoped for. I was working constantly, it felt like, and resentment didn’t take long to creep in. We’ve been squabbling recently, and my patience is slim because of the dual stresses of a “traditional” job and constant freelancing. I’ve felt simultaneously powerless and responsible for everything at the same time, and my temper has been unpredictable at best for weeks.

My husband is a sweet but stubborn man who is extremely set in his ways and loyal to his worldview, much like I am. He embodies Dominant, lives and breathes it, likes to run everything more than anything. This morning I woke up to his gentle encouragement for me to look at Fetlife – I thought he’d posted something sweet or loving, as we’d had a bad fight yesterday and we’re both big on making up. I clicked to his profile page and I had one of those moments where the rest of the world kind of blurs out and you don’t hear anything going around you.

He listed himself as a switch.

I understand that to people that aren’t in BDSM that this sounds like much ado about nothing. However, this is a really huge “thing” for someone that lives lifestyle, equivalent (in my opinion, anyway) to a Democrat becoming Republican or vice versa. He posted for our friends, fellow Doms and subs, to see, and declared to the community at large that he was switching mantles.  This was honestly as big to me as an engagement, and it was a total surprise. His dominance is something he’s always guarded and used to define himself, so this was a step I couldn’t believe he made. I’m so proud of his courage and humbled by the gift of his willingness to redefine a part of himself with my guidance that I feel like the whole world’s changed.

I’m still kind of processing this new step in our lives, but I can say for sure I’m happy about it. When you think you’ve run all the bases and suddenly realize there’s so many more fields to explore, you can’t help but feel breathless with possibilities.

Thank you for being a part of the experience, dear readers.


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