Not me, but my recently ex-smoking hubby, ToySir. Shortly after I penned my last entry, we found ourselves in the Emergency Room to deal with what we thought was another round of the kidney stones my spouse is so fond of biologically manufacturing. After waiting approximately 47 years on an uncomfortable cot with naught but Futurama reruns to sustain us, the scan results came back – no kidney stones.
So the blinding week-long kidney pain? We got the medical equivalent of a very expensive shrug and a “dunno”. We were packing up our various sci fi novels and putting on his shoes, when in the same tone of voice that I’d associate with, oh, I don’t know, reminding someone they need to get their parking validated, the doctor casually mentions there was a mass in his lung that showed up on the scan.
“But, you know, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s fairly common, you know, unless you’re a smoker, and this form says you aren’t, so..”
“He quit a year ago after 15 years of smoking.”
“Oh. Um. Well. Get another scan in the next 6 months. Have a good night!”
With all the grace of someone that just ruined a surprise party, he made a hasty exit through the puke-green curtain, leaving me to well up and immediately start bawling on my husband’s shoulder. The time since then has been anxious visits to the VA clinic, waiting for phone calls that never seem to come and staring worriedly at him every time he sneezes.
I hate this. I wish they’d call us for the scan appointment so a doctor can clear my husband and tell me that we still have a lifetime together, but the VA moves at the speed of continental drift because the system is so full of vets. I accept it could be nothing and I’ll feel like an ass later for fretting as much as I do, but it’s not something I can help.
I’m 29, he’s 34. This is one of those situations that always happened to other people, or decades from now, to me. It feels surreal, and I’m skittish to pipe up about the big C, as if it were Voldemort and capable of honing in on us if we talk about it. This is the closest I’ve come to talking about it so far.
Think good thoughts for us, ToyChick enthusiasts. We’ve got an uphill road ahead, even if it’s only waiting for results.