Inflatable sex dolls have been around for a looooong time. Pool toys with orifices, these vinyl vixens carry on truncated careers as policewomen, nurses (how exactly does one “perform like a surgeon” in BED? Ooh baby, slice me up…?), and even airline stewardesses before givin sweet lovin to their amorous partners. This is a collection of some of the varieties I’ve come across that I feel are a bit…over the top.
Bree Olsen Rawhide Hottie
While I know the doll is probably actually attractive by blow-up doll standards, what gets me is the outfit – I just imagine a man somewhere in a bedroom sporting an impatient hardon while he’s dressing up an oversized barbie with a permanently surprised mouth. I’m not one to thieve non-manufacturer pictures, but you can take a gander at the fringe-y top and skirt here.
Agent 69 Love Doll
Okay, okay. All of a sudden a top and skirt don’t look so odd when faced with the virtual arsenal of non-sexual accessories this high-maintenance gal seems to tote around with her. A bikini top, bikini bottom, thigh holster, toy gun, sunglasses, vibrating bullet, removable genitalia, foot pump, and storage bag just seem a little…much. A toy gun? Really? Is this for men who like to relive their childhood during masturbation?
Goo Gobblin’ Granny
As (un)usual, I’ve saved the …best?…for last. With instructions that could either be cheeky or serious, the user is instructed to only inflate the doll halfway for “best results”. The removable teeth really make the sale, I’m sure, even if it might be a little awkward to pitch in a brick and mortar store.
On a final note, I leave you with a few WTF (with a huuuuge F) links to pictures of actual inflated blow up dolls, courtesy of Blow Me Up Sex Dolls:
She just walked in to find her lover with another woman, soap opera style: “OMG!“
For those out there with a dental-checkup-while-fucking fetish: “Have you been flossing?“
…And the award for -Creepy Resemblance to Valerie Bertenelli- goes to: “This Gal!“
As the wind blew his wig off, Miguel gasped, knowing he’d never win the pageant now. “O noes!“
An unfortunate stigmatism ruined Shelly’s dreams of becoming a makeup artist. “Is this too pink?”
Cut off in traffic on her way to the bondage convention, Angela gestured angrily. “Hey Asshole!“
While bigfoot had managed to elude them, the hunting party snagged his mate. “Ook?“
Sometimes, the work dries up and muppets pursue employment elsewhere. “No, I work ON Sesame Street.”
Courtney Love took some ill-advised merchandising deals in the 90’s. “I got your HOLE right here…“
Mick Jagger slept with a lot of groupies, but he’d never forget the paternity suit from “No Neck“.