Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #5 – “AVN 09 WTF” Edition

on January 13, 2009

For the thousands of you fine readers that slavishly hang on my every update, you are clearly already aware I’ve been in Las Vegas, Nevada up until yesterday evening. The show was the usual mix of poorly-conceived prototype toys that are in no way ready for debut, approximately 86.2 billion herbal “supplements” hawked by hyperactive young men, and a large variety of non-English-speaking Asian manufacturers that wouldn’t know dental hygiene or personal space if either were to hit them upside the head.

Thankfully, though our freaky neighbors to the east produce things that few of us would dare to incorporate into our bedroom acrobatics, they provide endless entertainment. Two of the strangest items I turned upstart up my WSTOTW: AVN 09 WTF Edition.

May I present:

  • Rape Cloth (A VERY unfortunately named tearaway cloth with an equally unfortunately translated description) and
  • The Sex Counter Cock Ring (Sex not impersonal enough? Not enough pressure to perform? Worry Not!)

And, of course, our stateside brethren had contributions of their own:

  • GoGo Tape – Tired of trying to juggle drywall calculations, affirmation of construction-trade gender and social stereotypes, and enabling sexual harassment lawsuits at the same time?
  • The Snatch Snorkel – I physically possess one of these from the show. It’s packaged in a plastic ziploc-knockoff sandwich bag with half a sheet of printer paper stapled to it. It looks like a sad refugee from a medical supply warehouse closeout sale. Further, a few new Canadian friends and I, whilst poking at it, conjectured it wouldn’t work. The tubing works in medical settings because air is being mechanically pushed through it..natural breathing requires a larger tube, hence why snorkels are considerably larger in diameter. So, if you have a fantasy of vaginal suffocation while looking like a tool, by all means, partake in this dubious design.


4 responses to “Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #5 – “AVN 09 WTF” Edition

  1. SheWhoMustNot BeNamed says:

    As though the products weren’t already hilarious, the Engrish is even better.

  2. Sienna says:

    Oh god I nearly died laughing. Hmmmm what to choose what to choose? Vaginal suffocation or the manly counter???

  3. […] out the world of Teledildonics, and sex toys in general, at AVN and CES. (Speaking of toys at AVN, this toy is claimed to count the number of thrusts, via c-ring. Oh, my. Do we really need to make sex any […]

  4. Joe says:

    Hey thanks for the nod to GoGoTape!! Did you see one of our tapes at the AVN show? Send us your address and we’ll send you your very own tape.
    (We’re hoping that the judges presiding over the sexual harassment cases we may instigate will already be GoGo fans, and show a little mercy on the poor hard-working stiff who’s simply looking for a way to whistle while he/she works…)

    Keep up your good work,
    Your new friends from GoGoTape

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