Sex in the name of science: Semenex!

I’ll get this right out there: I have no problems with…uhm…cleanup after oral. After all that work, I feel like scrabbling for a tissue or running to the bathroom is kind of wasteful, somehow. Like churning butter for a half hour and then throwing it in the woods, you know?

But the idea of a sex “toy” that would alter my partner intrigued me. Like entangling our sex life with some secret government serum, I wanted to fuck with his body chemistry in the name of sexual science. Semenex claims to neutralize that bitter “egg whites and seawater” taste of semen that turns a lot of women off to oral in general or swallowing in particular. I was interested, but the 16 oz GNC-sized tub seemed a little overkill and difficult to stash discreetly, but imagine my surprise when I stumbled across a tiny purse-sized canister recently. We dropped the $10 bucks and drove home, much of the way spent discussing the dubious intentions of a semen cookbook my astute twitter friends had alerted me to recently.

I cheerfully read the directions on the Semenex package, anticipating with glee trying this new sex toy o’ the future, and was dismayed to discover we just dropped $10 on a one-shot (pun intended) deal. Evidently we were supposed to drop this whole thing into a drink. The ingredients were nothing unorthodox – fruit and vegetable extracts, and as any good sexgal worth her salt knows, pineapple and apple juice will accomplish much of the proposed same effect, with much cheaper prices. But hey, might as well give it a go.

For all the instructions I’ve followed in my life, these were probably the most fun. Semenex requires the male ejaculate to get all the “bad tasting” sperm out…naturally, I was glad to help because I needed a control taste anyway. After the pre-experiment fun, my guy went and dumped the pumpkin-pie smelling powder into a glass of milk and downed it. Then we waited the minimum 12 hours, as suggested, going about our business while his semen improved itself.

Later that evening, we were both exhausted and unsexy – this is one of the perils of Semenex. Like certain sex supplements, you have a window of time to enjoy the benefits, and after that you’re out of luck. Thankfully, a couple of explicit whispers had him harder than a telephone pole, and I got to work.

I am happy to say it DOES make a very real difference. If you’re expecting your guy to start spewing sweettarts, you’ll be disappointed, but otherwise it’s great. I would strongly recommend it to anyone trying to get their partner into oral – same sex, opposite sex, or trans – because it definitely works. No bitterness or that bleachy egg white kind of taste that makes many people sadly eschew oral. I would say that if you downed it with a glass of apple or pineapple juice and avoided smoking and coffee beforehand (both of which make semen bitter), you’d have even more impressive results.

Naturally, I wish they’d make it more affordable, but if you’re going to drop the money, might as well be on something proven, right? 😉

-That Toy Chick

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