I enjoy making messes in enclosed and/or easily cleaned spaces. Massage oil on a tarp? I’m on it. Water balloons outside? Yep. Combine it with sexy time and a relative reassurance that none of the messy medium’s going to end up inside my lady parts and I’m pretty damn happy. When Sweet Evil Industries tossed me an email about reviewing their Erotic Love Slime Bath, I was all over it. After a brief tete-a-tete regarding the scent – I’m okay-ish with coconut, but the husband gets headaches, so we went with juniper instead – and a few days later, I had an exciting little box to look forward to.
Having done the trade show bit, I appreciate quick takeaway versions of products like these, so I was happy to receive not only a traditional full-size box of love slime but a dual-sided glossy paper with samples of both the Love Slime and Love Gel stapled to it. (I’m saving that for a video review in the future!)
The night came where I had the time and inclination to give the product a whirl, so I ran my bath about half full of warm water and snagged the box. It contained a single plastic pack of the love slime powder as well as a sheet of instructions – essentially, fill the bath halfway, watch out because it’s holyfuck levels of slippery and don’t, like, eat it. Okay. I think I’m up to the task here.
I snipped off a corner of the dayglo green powder packet, pouring it in slowly and evenly around the water.
At first, I wasn’t very impressed because it all seemed to sink to the bottom of the tub and just kinda…stay there. I could put my hand in the water and chase the thin layer around the floor of the tub, but the water itself wasn’t changing at all that I could see. If I “picked up” some of the bottom layer by scooping it in my hand, I could feel the viscosity. That felt cool, so I kept doing it – and that mixed up the Love Slime enough to “evolve” it into a whole tub sort of thing.
Once I got in the tub and moved around a little, the viscosity increased to the point where even the “normal” water that wasn’t on the base of the tub was getting in on the party. It started becoming obvious when I picked my hand up out of the water, which oozed off of it. The water got thicker and thicker until it was roughly the consistency of Light Karo Syrup, and being in the middle of it was pretty damn cool. I was “slimed” all over, and it held the heat of the bath and made my skin feel pretty good to boot. Hey – I liked this stuff!
Then, after I cautiously let the goopy water drain with a silent prayer to the gods of outdated plumbing, it was time to get out. My husband looked on, bemused, and told me that I had to live in the tub now because he wasn’t helping me out – did I mention he’s a sadist? If you’ve ever spilled silicone lubricant on a non-porous surface, you have the beginnings of understanding what I was dealing with. I was in a lubed tub with no handholds, and getting my feet under me was not a secure possibility. I eventually had my husband hand me the showerhead and, turning it on to the
masturbation stream setting, I was able to sort of blast the slimy residue away. Mostly. Enough to stand up.
It is water soluble, definitely, but the problem is that the greenish color isn’t really visible once the bulk is drained off, leaving you with invisible patches of “holy shit” that will land you in the ER with an interesting story if you aren’t careful. This persists, drying and surprising you when it gets wet during subsequent showers, so wash the hell out of your tub or leave the shower going a bit when you’re done. It rinses off of *you* just fine, and quickly, but you’ll have to pay a little more attention to your tub and warn any other tub-users to be careful for the next few showers.
I’d recommend Love Slime. My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed our experience with it and he’s already asking me to do it again, so I’d call that a success. The scent was light and non-fakey, the slime did precisely what it said it would, and the extra time with warm water was awful nice. Plus, it’s FUN. Think of the possibilities – Ghostbusters slashfic, Ninja Turtles cosplay (just add sexy lingerie kneepads!) and garden variety sploshing!
Love Slime is available in Coconut, Vanilla or Juniper scents and can be purchased for $19.99 on the Sweet Evil Industries website.