Desk Full of Dildos

Unknown found via Art or Porn

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #20? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #22? Submit it here before Sunday March 29th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Note: Since there are SO MANY contests this week the Editor’s Pick is all of the contests. Enter and win something!

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Anal Toy GiveAway Deadline: Tuesday March 24th.
• The “Screaming O” Orgasm Contest Deadline: Thursday, March 26th at 11:59PM.
• Win a Regard Indiscret Set! Deadline: March 27th at 11:59pm PST.
• Win a $20 Gift Card to Babeland! Deadline: March 28th 2009.
• $20 Babeland GC or Quickie Kit! Deadline: Tuesday, March 31st
• Blush Contest Deadline: April 1st by midnight EST.
• Pleasurists Contest: LELO Toy Giveaway! Deadline: Friday April 10th at 11:59pm PST.
• CrashPadSeries.com Contest! Deadline: April 22, 2009.
• Do You Have an Erotic Adventure to Share? Deadline: May 31st, 2009.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Sasi by Nadia West
• Venus by Sommer Marsden
• Paris Duckie by Beautiful Dreamer
• Showerbabe by Miss KissThis
• Xtreme Kit by Epiphora
• Nubby G by Beautiful Dreamer
• LELO Mia by Sienna
• Fusion Duality by Evolved by CarrieAnn
• Benjamin Bond by Epiphora
• The O Honey by Ginger Leigh
• Evolved Novelties Citron by Thursday’s Child
• Liv by LELO by Wendy Blackheart

Dildos

• Melon Crank Glass Dildo by Scarlet Lotus
• Ella by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Phallix Glass 24 Karat Gold Double Happiness by Sexorcism
• Crystal Wand by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Belladonna’s Magic Hand by Joe Mirabella

Anal Toys

• Power Probe by The Countess
• LELO Bob by Amber of Scarlet’s Letter

Toys for Cocks

• Fun Factory Love Ring by Beautiful Dreamer

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

• Astroglide by Joe Mirabella
• Ginger Pheromone Massage Cream by Domina Doll
• Kama Sutra Sweet Heart Kit by Cinnamon Chambers
• Kama Sutra Sweet Celebrations Box by Catalina Loves

BDSM/Fetish

• Door Jam Cuffs by Thursday’s Child
• Shining star crop and Star Paddle by Essin’ Em
• Lovers Headgear Advanced Mask by Thursday’s Child
• Kinklab Leather Bondage Collar by Ang

Adult Books

• Best Lesbian Erotica 08 by Scarlet Lotus
• The Story of O by Sienna

Adult Movies/Porn

• The New Romantix by Epiphora
• Intimate Temptations by The Porn Librarian
• Dangerous Liaisons by FrzKey
• Tribade Sorority – Campus Life by J.D. Bauchery
• Breakin’ the Rules by The Porn Librarian
• Friends Don’t Let Friends Fuck Alone by Beautiful Dreamer
• Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco by Sinclair Sexsmith
• A Transsexual Love Story by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Storage

• FYN Big Foot by Marla Singer

Miscellaneous

• Regard Indiscret Set by Scarlet Lotus
• Gold/Black Satin Corset by Sleeping Dreamer
• Ruby Nipple Dangles by The Countess
• Liberator Throe by Carnivalesq
• Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves by Epiphora
• La Femme Harness by Alpine Subdreams
• Regard Indiscret Set by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
• Chocolate Party Hats.Com by That Toy Chick

So there we are in the bedroom, a naked me kneeling on the bed beside an equally naked fiance. In one hand, I’m holding a penis that I have come to regard as pretty damned awesome, and in the other, inexplicably, I’m holding a miniature viking helmet made out of chocolate.

It’s bigger than I expected – the helmet that is. The penis is big as well, but I’m used to that after six years. The penis I am currently grasping takes Magnum XXL condoms but the helmet is a little too big for a snug fit, sitting on his penis at a skewed angle like a kid wearing an oversized hat.

“So you just….eat it? I mean, what if you go into a chocolate frenzy and accidentally bite my dick?” He says, as if I am incapable of restraining myself around chocolate. Deliciously thick Belgian chocolate. Bittersweet and heady as a liqueur. Inches from my lips. I mean, not that I’m transfixed by the amazing confectionery pheromones this thing is swinging recklessly past my nostrils or anything. I’m cool. Ahem.

I nibble off the tip of one of the horns with a giggle, quickly discovering that if I nip off the other I can blow through the horn and send air rushing past the head. It’s like I’m playing a chocolate penis kazoo and pretty soon we’re both laughing hysterically. Pretty soon I get down to business and discover with delight that the space between the horns has become just the tiniest bit melty from his body heat, and now each lick coats my tongue with amazingly good chocolate as well as a little bit of his precum. I didn’t anticipate anything but a little chocolate in bed and a good laugh, but things are changing rapidly as I discover how incredibly fucking sexy melting Belgian chocolate is on top of a hard cock in the mouth.

Chunks predictably break off, and I retrieve them from his thighs and stomach and feed them to him as I take my time cleaning up what’s melted onto him with my tongue. For what started as something ridiculous, this has turned pretty damn hot, and in a hurry too. Things came to a *ahem* head, and I’m happy to say that there was no trace of chocolate or (insert cream pun here) after I was finished.

I have a top hat here that I’m anxious to try out soon, as the shape seems like it would be even more conducive to melting along the top and sides with a little coaxing from my tongue. Overall, I can honestly say I’m impressed! I had mentally relegated this to the thousands of edible “bedroom gags” on the market, but it’s in a league of it’s own and well worth trying out.

The hats are available right now in a viking style and a cowboy hat style for $9.95 each, or in a mix-and-match 5 pack for $39.95.

-TTC

You know how when you’re reading a sentence, say this one right here, and you see the word yawn, or a description of the word yawning? You’re probably trying to stifle a yawn right this second, aren’t you?

I’ve been detached for most of my flying feet-first leap into the industry a mere few years ago, and at work saw vibrators with all the excitement one might a shoe, or a window latch. They’re just…products to be worked on, to be measured and described. Checkmarks waiting to be checked off on a to do list to earn my keep. I get excited about neat colors, or abilities, or interesting things coming out on the market, but not really an “OMG I want to put that in my vagina” sort of feeling. I, to coin a phrase, geek out. Sex toys are my thing, and I like to know everything I can about products and the people who make them.

It’s only as I slowly (very slowly, thank you very much) creep up on my late 20s that I’ve begun to experience the perils of ovulation and what happens when it crash lands on my desk while I’m working. My ovaries have taken my concentration hostage at times, demanding an immediate baby or else.  All of a sudden these friendly dils and vibes that populate my desk like a fully populated risk board start to look a little more sinister and sexy. I try to explain to my ovaries that while these are fun, they won’t produce progeny, but the stubborn little bastards won’t listen and keep flicking hormones at the back of my head like so many chemical rubber bands.

It’s a little unnerving to find my mental paradigm (I’m also geeking out that I worked that into a sentence, btw) suddenly involuntarily shifted from “I wonder what this would feel like in a vagina?” to “I wonder what this would feel like in MY vagina?”. It isn’t to say I’m absconding with my products and having a roll in the hay during work hours, but on the other hand it would be a fantastic set up for a sick office romance joke.

Do they make sybian attachments for ergonomic desk chairs? If not, I’m gettin me a patent.

-TTC

So, sometimes there are weird sex toys that make me raise an eyebrow but yet I still want to squeak fangirlishly over. Just because something has an odd shape or it’s something that doesn’t appeal to me, it doesn’t mean it isn’t delightfully well constructed and worthy of praise. I had the wonderfully unique opportunity of making the acquaintance of a certain fellow business gal recently, of Wolf Princess Designs.

Her site is still in progress, but I can assure from what I’ve seen of her work that what’s on there is the tip of the iceberg. Gorgeous harnesses, “furry” earpieces, cleverly curled faux animal tails, and, of course, a bunny harness. What is a bunny harness, you may ask?

It’s vegan friendly, which is so hard to find in harnesses that this alone is worth mentioning. The pink faux fur on the front is charming and the tail SQUEAKS, for goddess’ sake. Squeaks. Can’t you see two nubile young nymphs cavorting about in nothing but these harnesses? I know *I* can.

My friends know I have nothing but love for the incredibly awesome Maine-based WhipSpiderRubberWorks. They are responsible for the Tentacle and the Easter Island Head Butt Plug, and now this gorgeous hunk o’ silicone here, the Orchid. Shaped like the real thing, it’s made for gals (*ahem*) who enjoy external stuff more than internal. The back cavity is made to hold a bullet of YOUR choice, and isn’t molded in as some silicone vibes unwisely do. I’m in lust with this little toy.

From the makers of the Sifeet Pussyfoot, they also sent me along a Queen Breast to play with. As my buddy AAG points out, they aren’t exactly sex-able if you only have one, but it’s damned cool. I’m a DDD/F cup, so I had the added bonus of knowing intimately what breasts of this size should feel like, and I’ll be damned if it’s not eerily real. Even the nipple. Getting it delivered in cold weather when you’ve forgotten it’s coming is a little weird, though – imagine reaching blindly into a box to grab what feels all the world like a severed breast, before coming across the friendly rounded bottom of it. It was almost CSI:NJ in my hallway.

-TTC out.