So, the economy is in the crapper. No surprise there. What’s an enterprising young (ish) toychick to do? I look to the wealth of toys in boxes stacked floor-to-ceiling in my room and it occurs to me I ought to start hawking what I always write about.

So, I start up www.Underbedtoys.com, right? Find out it’s awful damn time-consuming. I’m still working on it, day by day, but with the recent hoopla (semi moving back in with dad in law cause he had a stroke and needs daily care) it’s gotten away from me a bit. The site needs some design flourishes, natch, but it’s solid structurally, just gotta  add more items to it.

I’m an accomplished eBay-er, both buying and selling. I’m very much familiar with it. So, I think to myself, why not combine my love of all things phallic and buzzy with my bare-tolerance of eBay’s seller-screwing venue? A match made in shotgun wedding heaven, thinks I.

Figure this out…even though eBay made it’s debut with a heavy dependence on adult product sellers, as soon as it noms paypal, adding it to it’s corporate belly, it decides paypal is a “family oriented business”, all of a sudden.  …But, only for non-professional payments; merchant accounts are a-ok for college cutie cum sluts #437. That’s right, selective morals! The very best kind!

In addition, adult listings can only be put into a category which is invisible to everyone that doesn’t care to fork over their credit card number to keep on file with eBay, cannot use the “buy it now” feature, and if one even mentions the WORD paypal in their adult listings, they get yanked down.

eBay happily rakes in the cash for your final value fees, insertion fees, paypal initial payment fee, and paypal percentage fee, though. THAT money isn’t dirty, apparently. On a $50 item, I’d end up forking over $7 and change, by the time I’m through with all the nonsense, and yet I’m still treated like a second-class-citizen for selling adult products to *gasp* consenting adults.

In a very strange twist, however, lubricants and condoms are allowed to be listed under “Family Planning” under the “Health and Beauty” category. Let me ’splain somethin, eBay – if I am ‘planning’ a ‘family’, I don’t need a bottle of glow-in-the-dark cherry flavored yumyum pussy marinade, nor do I need a package of ultramaster gigantor two-inches-from-the-FLOOR supermax supreme condoms, which honestly seem a little counter intuitive to babymakin’, at least from what I was told.  Hey, I’m all for safe sex, but it seems rather two-faced to me to allow some things that are *blatantly* sexual in nature in full public view with no credit card required, then hide the toys away like some dirty little secret.

Let me assure you, people like fucking things. Oh, boy do they! Members of the opposite sex, members of the same sex, combinations thereof, gently and lovingly warmed produce, fleshlights shoved between mattresses, hot tub jets, car mufflers, sandwich baggies in couch cushions, and especially SEX TOYS, because it’s goddamn human nature. That said, If they wouldn’t show CSI (mmm…CSI) on every channel all the time, always, maybe men would stop fucking disembodied vaginas. But probably not.

Get your laws outta my vagina, eBay. And take your tube of glow-in-the-dark cherry flavored yumyum pussy marinade with you.

-TTC