A cameraphone shot of me on the train home from the Sex Blogger Calendar Party. I had no idea what to wear, and found that dress in the back of the closet. Had completely forgotten about it, and was thrilled it still fit. More pictures were taken of my key necklace than of me, believe it or not.

And, in a candid moment, I present the unglamorous me – aka the usual TTC. I grew up by the sea, and this is a picture of me at peace:

I am thankful that I live in a world, where, if things get overwhelming, I can sit on a dune, hug my knees, and let the surf drown out the noise of the everyday for awhile.

-TTC

Hello everyone – it looks like my intended weekly weird sex toy feature is becoming more of a monthly venture! That being said, I bring you without further ado, WEIRD SEX TOYS! This week we have talking things to stick your penis into, and the most fuckable Ikebana ever produced in the history of my blog.

Teagan’s Sweet Talking Ass: Because when you’re screwing a disembodied anus, it ought to be able to at least hold up a conversation.

Talking Sheep: First, you could blow her up and screw her. Then, you could blow up a tiny pocket version and screw her. NOW…she baahs when you stick your penis in her.

And, for a special treat, a bouquet of inexplicably flower-shaped male masturbators: Kaylani Lei’s Ruby Pussy, Lotus Collection Mini Flower, Stroker Bud, Gina Lynn’s Wild Pussy, Black Orchid Masturbator, and Daisy’s Playpal.

I’ll get this right out there: I have no problems with…uhm…cleanup after oral. After all that work, I feel like scrabbling for a tissue or running to the bathroom is kind of wasteful, somehow. Like churning butter for a half hour and then throwing it in the woods, you know?

But the idea of a sex “toy” that would alter my partner intrigued me. Like entangling our sex life with some secret government serum, I wanted to fuck with his body chemistry in the name of sexual science. Semenex claims to neutralize that bitter “egg whites and seawater” taste of semen that turns a lot of women off to oral in general or swallowing in particular. I was interested, but the 16 oz GNC-sized tub seemed a little overkill and difficult to stash discreetly, but imagine my surprise when I stumbled across a tiny purse-sized canister recently. We dropped the $10 bucks and drove home, much of the way spent discussing the dubious intentions of a semen cookbook my astute twitter friends had alerted me to recently.

I cheerfully read the directions on the Semenex package, anticipating with glee trying this new sex toy o’ the future, and was dismayed to discover we just dropped $10 on a one-shot (pun intended) deal. Evidently we were supposed to drop this whole thing into a drink. The ingredients were nothing unorthodox – fruit and vegetable extracts, and as any good sexgal worth her salt knows, pineapple and apple juice will accomplish much of the proposed same effect, with much cheaper prices. But hey, might as well give it a go.

For all the instructions I’ve followed in my life, these were probably the most fun. Semenex requires the male ejaculate to get all the “bad tasting” sperm out…naturally, I was glad to help because I needed a control taste anyway. After the pre-experiment fun, my guy went and dumped the pumpkin-pie smelling powder into a glass of milk and downed it. Then we waited the minimum 12 hours, as suggested, going about our business while his semen improved itself.

Later that evening, we were both exhausted and unsexy – this is one of the perils of Semenex. Like certain sex supplements, you have a window of time to enjoy the benefits, and after that you’re out of luck. Thankfully, a couple of explicit whispers had him harder than a telephone pole, and I got to work.

I am happy to say it DOES make a very real difference. If you’re expecting your guy to start spewing sweettarts, you’ll be disappointed, but otherwise it’s great. I would strongly recommend it to anyone trying to get their partner into oral – same sex, opposite sex, or trans – because it definitely works. No bitterness or that bleachy egg white kind of taste that makes many people sadly eschew oral. I would say that if you downed it with a glass of apple or pineapple juice and avoided smoking and coffee beforehand (both of which make semen bitter), you’d have even more impressive results.

Naturally, I wish they’d make it more affordable, but if you’re going to drop the money, might as well be on something proven, right?

-That Toy Chick

Adult product reviews from the last seven days from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #4? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #4? Submit it here before Sunday November 30th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Win a free Level 2 Membership to CrashPadSeries.com! Deadline is Friday November 28th at midnight PST; winner announced the following day (Saturday November 29th)
Enter my Contest! Win Porn from Kink.Com! Deadline December 6th.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick
HNT and Mr. Man by Essin’ Em
“She let me suck her cock, I let her suck mine (Femmes can have cocks too, damn it!). [...] Holy crap – it felt so good…very intense, very amazing. It was like more traditional oral sex on a female bodied person (cunnilingus like), but while watching her mouth slide up and down on my cock. Hot. Mind fuck. God damn hot mind fuck.”
Note: I admit to being a bit biased on this one, because I really really really want a Mr. Man!

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators
Fukuoku 9000 by Ansley Agnello
Hitachi Fun by sexie sadie
Tools of the Trade: SaSi by Jamye Waxman
Lost on a Desert Island with Gigi by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Waterproof Lustre- Diamond by Beautiful Dreamer
The Hitachi Magic Wand by Elizabeth
The Jester from Vixen Creations by That Toy Chick
The Hitachi Magic Wand by Ang
Silver Bullet by Writing Dirty
The We-Vibe by Ellie Lumpesse
Evolved Fusion Gemini by Coy Pink
Pleasure Tops by Ellie Lumpesse
LELO Gigi by Dangerous Lilly

Slimline G Twin by Domina Doll

Fukuoku 9000 and Naughti Nano by Nadia West

Dildos
Curve by Essin’ Em

BDSM/Fetish
Under the Bed Restraints by Ansley Agnello
Slinging It by Bad Bad Girl
TLC Japanese Silk Love Rope by Dangerous Lilly
Under the Bed Restraints by Adriana

Lube/Massage Oil
The Lube Project – Part 1 by Thursday’s Child
Aneros Lube Applicator by Sexorcism
Boy Butter by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Climax Bursts Anal Lube by Writing Dirty

Sliquid Sassy Lube by Nadia West

Erotic Books
Nerve: The First Ten Years by J.D. Bauchery

Porn
Pay Per View VOD at GoodVibes by Domina Doll
Good Dyke Porn by Essin’ Em
Lesbian Life – Real Sex San Francisco by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Good Dyke Porn by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
In Search of the Wild Kingdom by Domina Doll
a box of kleenix, a video, and thou by Sabina TGurl

Sex Toy Storage
FYN XL Toy Box by Ansley Agnello
FYN Foot Long Case by Lolita Wolf
FYN Sex Toy Case by J.D. Bauchery

Miscellaneous
Strawberries and Champagne by Ansley Agnello
Luna Beads by Beautiful Dreamer
Exotic Fruit by Ansley Agnello
Jaguar Harness by Beautiful Dreamer
Liberator Fascinator Throe by Sexorcism
SexToy.Com by Writing Dirty
Getting a closer look at Jaguar by Kyle of Butchtastic

So, the economy is in the crapper. No surprise there. What’s an enterprising young (ish) toychick to do? I look to the wealth of toys in boxes stacked floor-to-ceiling in my room and it occurs to me I ought to start hawking what I always write about.

So, I start up www.Underbedtoys.com, right? Find out it’s awful damn time-consuming. I’m still working on it, day by day, but with the recent hoopla (semi moving back in with dad in law cause he had a stroke and needs daily care) it’s gotten away from me a bit. The site needs some design flourishes, natch, but it’s solid structurally, just gotta  add more items to it.

I’m an accomplished eBay-er, both buying and selling. I’m very much familiar with it. So, I think to myself, why not combine my love of all things phallic and buzzy with my bare-tolerance of eBay’s seller-screwing venue? A match made in shotgun wedding heaven, thinks I.

Figure this out…even though eBay made it’s debut with a heavy dependence on adult product sellers, as soon as it noms paypal, adding it to it’s corporate belly, it decides paypal is a “family oriented business”, all of a sudden.  …But, only for non-professional payments; merchant accounts are a-ok for college cutie cum sluts #437. That’s right, selective morals! The very best kind!

In addition, adult listings can only be put into a category which is invisible to everyone that doesn’t care to fork over their credit card number to keep on file with eBay, cannot use the “buy it now” feature, and if one even mentions the WORD paypal in their adult listings, they get yanked down.

eBay happily rakes in the cash for your final value fees, insertion fees, paypal initial payment fee, and paypal percentage fee, though. THAT money isn’t dirty, apparently. On a $50 item, I’d end up forking over $7 and change, by the time I’m through with all the nonsense, and yet I’m still treated like a second-class-citizen for selling adult products to *gasp* consenting adults.

In a very strange twist, however, lubricants and condoms are allowed to be listed under “Family Planning” under the “Health and Beauty” category. Let me ’splain somethin, eBay – if I am ‘planning’ a ‘family’, I don’t need a bottle of glow-in-the-dark cherry flavored yumyum pussy marinade, nor do I need a package of ultramaster gigantor two-inches-from-the-FLOOR supermax supreme condoms, which honestly seem a little counter intuitive to babymakin’, at least from what I was told.  Hey, I’m all for safe sex, but it seems rather two-faced to me to allow some things that are *blatantly* sexual in nature in full public view with no credit card required, then hide the toys away like some dirty little secret.

Let me assure you, people like fucking things. Oh, boy do they! Members of the opposite sex, members of the same sex, combinations thereof, gently and lovingly warmed produce, fleshlights shoved between mattresses, hot tub jets, car mufflers, sandwich baggies in couch cushions, and especially SEX TOYS, because it’s goddamn human nature. That said, If they wouldn’t show CSI (mmm…CSI) on every channel all the time, always, maybe men would stop fucking disembodied vaginas. But probably not.

Get your laws outta my vagina, eBay. And take your tube of glow-in-the-dark cherry flavored yumyum pussy marinade with you.

-TTC

Adult product reviews from the last seven days from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #3? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #4? Submit it here before Sunday November 23rd at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Betty’s Blog-A-Versary Swag Contest deadline November 19th.
Swag Contest: Crave Ankle and Wrist Restraints deadline November 21st 11:59pm MST.
Why I Heart Yes Contest! deadline November 24th at 12 midnight AST.
Bondage Photo Contest deadline November 25th.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick
Tantus Ripple (small) by Epiphora
“he sensation was what I predicted—it certainly felt like bulbs popping in and out—but it was super pleasurable, much more so than the sensation of leaving a butt plug in my ass. This, I thought, is what they mean when they say anal play feels amazing.”

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators
Cadillac of Vibrators and
Sweet G by Ansley Agnello
Rabbit Pearl Vibrator Review by Shasta
A Wand in Hand is Worth… by Natt Nightly
Mia: by Lelo by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Buzz Bunny by Adriana
Oh! Magnificent Vibrating Glove by Domina Doll
If You Desire a Petite Rabbit and
Briana Wicked Curves by Beautiful Dreamer
Babeland Slimline Vibrator by Radical Vixen
Fun Factory Paul and Paulina and
Vibropod by Ellie Lumpesse
Hitachi Magic Wand by Epiphora

Dildos
Wild Angel Harness and Dildo by J.D. Bauchery
The Champ by David
Cyberglass Felicity by Ellie Lumpesse

Toys for Boys
Great toy to use on a cock by Lolita Wolf
A Real Man’s Cock Ring by Beautiful Dreamer
A Sex Toy Named Bob by Em & Lo

Lube/Massage Oil
Kama Sutra Massage Therapy Kit by Essin’ Em
Wet Body Glide Original Gel Lubricant by Shasta
Warming Lubes for A Cold Winter’s Night? by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Universal Lube by Catalina Loves

BDSM/Fetish
Leather Leash by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Under the Bed Restraints by Betty Rocket

Erotic Books
Raunchy Review: Hydrophidian by Curvaceous Dee

Adult DVDs
Real Butch Lesbian Dykes by J.D. Bauchery
Porn 4 Pussies: Crash Pad Series, Volume 1 and
Femme Film Fridays-Superfreak by Domina Doll
Playgirl: Indulging in Lust by Beautiful Dreamer

Miscellaneous
For Your Nymphomation XL Adult Toybox by Ang
Silver Handcuff Nipple Rings by Betty Rocket

Pardon me while I finish hyperventilating into a paper bag.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am something of a crazed ferret when it comes to new toys, and anything thusly related. New concepts are my addiction, doubly so in the sex toy industry universe. I scour the trade mags, keep one ear to the ground, and gab with anybody who will stand still long enough about the latest and greatest to hit the scene.

Vixen Creations has ever so kindly allowed me to tap directly in to one of the neatest silicone manufacturers out there. They send me amazing little boxes o’ new stuff, stuff that hasn’t hit the market yet, that I mount on my desk with all the pride of a cheetah that just bagged a gazelle.

‘cept I never have to leave my desk, the gazelle is a rather disinterested UPS man, and I’m wearing sweatpants no cheetah would be caught dead in.

ANYhoo. The latest box of joy landed on my doorstep this afternoon, and I’m starting to get a pavlovian vagina-twinging response to Vixen’s return address on package labels. Mmm. I carefully cut open the box (Silicone has no natural enemies in the wild, save for other silicone and sharp knives) and immediately pulled out a hefty fistful of shimmering teal and deep navy squishy goodness. I puzzled for a second, then the lightbulb went off…this was THE concept toy I had been so thoughtfully informed of awhile back. The JESTER!

The basic gist of it? Hitachi = good. Double Dildos = awesome. Silicone = OMGyes. Put them together and your TTC here is trying not to physically ricochet off the walls with joy. I held it up, hummed the triforce theme from zelda, and was rewarded with a rather annoyed and quizzical look from my cats. The rabbit, to her credit, continued to eat hay and avoided eye contact with the increasingly erratic tall-thing-that-brings-lettuce.

The Jester is 11 1/2″ long, unbent, and about 4″ tall. The shorter dildo is 4 1/2″ long when bent straight, 4 1/2″ in circumference at the widest insertable point, and is pleasantly textured into three sections. The longer dildo is, I believe, based on the Raquel model (a favorite, incidentally, of Ms. Essin Em’), and is 6″ long when bent straight, 5 1/4″ in circumference at the widest insertable point, and has a nice bulbous head.

The center takes a hint from the super-sexy Off With Your Head cap, incorporating three pronounced ridges for all sorts of fun applications. The main idea, if I’m guessing right, is to turn the hitachi head side down, slide on the cap (with a little water-based lube around the inside edges for easy on and off!) and insert one or both stems in willing partner(s). Vixen Creations has even thoughtfully shaped in a protruding nubs on the base at each side for clitoral stimulation during penetration!

Tipping the scales at just over a pound of luscious, boilable, body-friendly silicone, this super sweet hitachi cap resembles it’s namesake, and is just full of shimmery beauty. I love it. A lot. Like, a whole lot.

-TTC

Apologies for the lack of posts, dear readers. As some of you may know, my guy and I are dealing with getting things settled with his dad, recently home from rehab for a massive stroke – putting in handrails, special accessibility handles, etc. Not exactly sexy stuff, so I figured I’d spare ya until I had something hotter to write about
Please continue to keep the Butterfly Temptress in your thoughts and prayers.

Pleasurists #3

November 10th, 2008

Adult product reviews from the last two weeks from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #2? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #4? Submit it here before Sunday November 16th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Betty’s Blog-A-Versary Swag Contest deadline November 19th
Bondage Photo Contest deadline November 25th

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick
Leo – A Sex “Toy Review by N
As we were looking around, I spotted him. “He” stood 7″ inches with 1-½” girth and was perfectly poised on the intricately designed shelfing unit. I almost blushed and forgot all about the girl I came in with.”

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators
Citron Florentine by Ansley Agnello
Sweet G! First Babeland review by Panthera Pardus
Review: Wahl 7-in-1 by Wendy Blackheart
The Smurfator and a Sexual History (G-Twist) by Elle of Kink Unleashed
Catalina Loves the We-Vibe by Catalina Loves
The Lelo Gigi by Ellie Lumpesse

Dildos
Ella by Ansley Agnello
Fuck it like an 80’s metal band groupie (Iron Maiden dildo) by Bad Bad Girl
Celestial Perfection by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Soju Sugar Dildo by Betty Rocket

Masturbation Sleeves/Devices
Maven masturbation sleeve by Epiphora
Rubber Vaginas: In Good Fun? by CR/LF on Sex-Kitten.net

Lube/Massage Oil
Review: Climax Bursts Anal Lube by Rori of Between My Sheets
Sliquid Sassy Anal Lube! by Panthera Pardus
Babeland Naturals Organic Lube Naked by Sexorcism
Kama Sutra Massage Therapy Kit by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Himalayan White Tea Massage Oil Spray Review by Stiletto Diaries

Erotic Books/Games
Sex Toy Review: Strip Chocolate by Essin’ Em
PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions about Gender and Sexuality by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Sex- Take A Walk on the Wild Side by The Butterfly Temptress

BDSM/Fetish
Liberate your mind, your body, your sex life! by Thursday’s Child
Rope Harvest by Ang
Doorjam Cuffs and Pinwheel by Urban Gypsy

Miscellaneous
Sextoy Review:: Roundup and Revisits by Dangerous Lilly
Velvet Harness by Alpine Subdreams
Luna Pleasure Bead System: by Lelo by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Sex or Chocolate? Why not both (Lover’s Paintbox) by Domina Doll
Toy Review ~ Lelo Luna Beads by Sylvanus and Mina of At Longing’s End

Adult product reviews from the last two weeks from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #1? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #3? Submit it here before Sunday November 9th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Agent Ansley’s Win a Jaguar contest deadline November 5th 11:59 PM EST

Swag Contest: When I think of Essin’ Em deadline November 8th at 11:59pm MST.

Looking for some toys to review?

Wanted! Sex Toy Reviewers. Apply Within. Free Products Supplied.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

Njoy Pure Wand by Dangerous Lilly

“I have heard that the G-spot is more swollen and “receptive” after a clitoral orgasm, so I laid there for a bit with the wand still in me, idly playing. Soon, playing in earnest. And then I brought out the Hitachi.

Oh yes, I did.

I combined the two best toys in my arsenal.

Wanna know the result??”

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

Lust Objectified – Meet Nea by Domina Doll

Nice Try Durex – Durex play vibrations focus by Epiphora

The Miracle Massager plus Attachment by Rori of Between My Sheets

Buzz 1 by Essin’ Em

Sweet G Vibe and The Mini Mini Mouse by Betty Rocket

G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator by Long Distance Sub

Dildos

Bandito by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Pure Wand from Njoy by Betty Rocket

Natural Contours Energie Kegel Exerciser by Stiletto Diaries

Anal Toys

Double Dare by Agent Ansley

The Nexus Titus by Jack of Writing Dirty

Erotic Books

Yes, Sir by That Toy Chick

The Leather Daddy and the Femme by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Adult Movies

Review of Zack and Miri Make a Porno by Audacia Ray

Perversions of Lesbian Lust by Catalina Loves

The Erotic Witch Project by Hot Movies for Her

Girls Who Lust by Epiphora

Miscellaneous

Penis Cupcake Pan by The Countess – Elizabeth Black

I admit, I’m something of a fringe conglomeration of subcultures and alternative lifestyles. That doesn’t mean there isn’t large and struggling groups out there for all the things I love, trying to ensure the right candidate is elected so we don’t have our rights slowly (or quickly!) eroded away.

Please vote. It’s your right and duty as an American, and time has only taught me how terribly important it is to get out and cast your ballot. When I’m in the booth today, I will be voting for Barack Obama, because I truly believe that he actually cares about making a difference, about ensuring certain inalienable rights are restored to people like the GLBT community. He has even made a page on his site specifically for the GLBT community – if I had been on the fence, that would have decided it.

I will be huddled in front of the tv tonight with friends and loved ones, watching and praying to the variety of gods and goddesses that I’m (at least for the time being) allowed to worship, and I hope you’ll join me in daring to hope that these dark days might soon be ending.